At the bagel place I used to go to (I stopped when they installed TV monitors that force Fox News into people waiting in line), they would ask for a name so they could call when the order was ready.

The name would be written on the order.

About 25% of the time that meant that I ended up with tomato on my bagel.

About 25% of the time that meant that I ended up with tomato on my bagel.

Now THAT is a good reason to use a fake name!

Now THAT is a good reason to use a fake name!

Seriously. But by the time I figured out what was going on, they had started to remember my name. Takes balls to start using a fake name when both sides know that it's fake.

I had to stop going to the burrito place on campus because one of the guys would call out my burrito as soon as he saw me. When I would attempt to order anything else, it resulted in mass confusion. I also sometimes suspect he is making fun of me. But I am paranoid, and once you add in discussion in another language right in front of me, that raises that ante.

Though I ducked in there last week after acertaining this particular individual was not in, and was able to have a nice burrito that was not my old "regular."

It used to make me laugh how the cashier would write my name down phonetically, but the drink-maker would read it as something even further from the correct pronunciation.

Sometimes they'd ask how to spell it, but that's not the point, is it? They should have a code, like they do in dictionaries to convey pronunciation independent of our alphabet's vagaries.

"Call me.... George."

"But why, son?"

my coffee shop is owned by my neighbor. I don't have to order coffee. I just sit with the group and my coffee shows up. Breakfast - well that changes all the time.

Of course, the coffee shop is my social life. or at least the base of my socila life. or something like that. I need coffee

Peace to you and your family, Allyson.

I read this:

Checks: I have plain, green ones.

as "Cheeks: I have plain green ones." Hmmmm.

I always give a fake name (usually Elizabeth, my middle name) when ordering pizza, etc. Or my husband's. My real name never works.

Actually "Love Monkey" may not be cancelled after all.

I stopped going to a regular place in this neighborhood because my bagel guy attempted to get chatty.

Same with Starbucks in my building. He's a nice guy and all, but now that I've started bringing my own I get shit from the barista for never going in. Thankfully there's two more Starbucks on the block for when I have to get coffee.

I know more than one person who regularly gives a fake name in this kind of situation, for one reason or another.

I'm not sophisticated enough to give a fake name, but I almost always give the name of the other person when there's two of us. Not that it's so hard to pronounce, but it's so easy to mishear. (File this under 'Names, More conversation about our.")