Thanks for the punctuation. I don't know about courage, I just get through. The thing is, yeah I have my problems and faults in all this, but it isn't that simple. I don't want to say she's awful or anything, she's not, I just don't think she can see how she makes things difficult. Pointing it out is like puting kerosene on the fire. Only you know how in movies you get a big flair up and then there's makeup sex and everything is good? Totally does not work like that for us. There is the big flair up and then it just sucks. Ugh, I'm not really expressing myself well. Anyhow I have things of my own to work on and I've got to do better.
Well, we may not have parted on the best of terms. I realize certain words were exchanged. Also, certain... bullets. But that's air through the engine. It's past. We're business people.
Mal ,'Serenity'
Spike's Bitches 29: That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Gudanov - Apr 10, 2006 11:40:24 am PDT #8513 of 10001
Coding and Sleeping
§ ita § - Apr 10, 2006 11:47:11 am PDT #8514 of 10001
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.
Gud, surviving takes effort, and you're spending it. There's courage enough in that.
I don't really care how right she may or may not be. I want the sweet and thoughtful Gud that I've come to know to not beat himself up. The world is hitting you hard enough as is. Don't join the pile on. If nothing else, get through and don't hate yourself. We like you, and we like you to like you.
Gudanov - Apr 10, 2006 11:50:30 am PDT #8515 of 10001
Coding and Sleeping
Oh, I don't hate myself. I just wish I was doing better at this.
§ ita § - Apr 10, 2006 11:55:46 am PDT #8516 of 10001
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.
I just wish I was doing better at this.
Some shit is just difficult, and can't be done better at. Not hating yourself-check. Now, stop beating yourself up.
Lee - Apr 10, 2006 12:33:23 pm PDT #8517 of 10001
The feeling you get when your brain finally lets your heart get in its pants.
What ita said, Gud, especially the stop beating yourself up part.
And the we like you part.
And the surviving taking courage part.
And the rest.
beth b - Apr 10, 2006 12:37:13 pm PDT #8518 of 10001
oh joy! Oh Rapture ! I have a brain!
I am sorry this is so difficult, Gud my understanding is that things often get worse before they get better. For you I am hoping that these last couple of months will be the worst that there is before things get better ( whatever better means in this case)
vw bug - Apr 10, 2006 12:53:33 pm PDT #8519 of 10001
Mostly lurking...
Dinner is crap. I think it's just about time for me to give up for the day and go to bed.
Typo Boy - Apr 10, 2006 12:55:21 pm PDT #8520 of 10001
Calli: My people have a saying. A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.Avon: Life expectancy among your people must be extremely short.
Gud, it does not sound like she is doing your part. If fixing the problems is 100% your responsibilty then it is hopeless. Fixing a relationship takes work and compromise by both parties. This is not a question of whether she is awful or not. This is a question of whether she will do what is needed to make things work.
Gudanov - Apr 10, 2006 1:17:48 pm PDT #8521 of 10001
Coding and Sleeping
If fixing the problems is 100% your responsibilty then it is hopeless.
I think this is part of the problem right now. It's hard to....well, it's just hard.
Gudanov - Apr 10, 2006 1:20:25 pm PDT #8522 of 10001
Coding and Sleeping
Dinner is crap. I think it's just about time for me to give up for the day and go to bed.
Aw, don't let a subpar dinner get you down. I make uninspiring dinners all the time. Last night's grilled chicken, grilled corn cobs, and rice (not grilled) came off really well, but for every one of those there is a clunker. It's no big deal.