Right, what's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?

Riley ,'Sleeper'


Spike's Bitches 28: For the Safety of Puppies...and Christmas!  

[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.


WindSparrow - Feb 10, 2006 6:51:21 am PST #8494 of 10001
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.

Ok, people with the self-hatred. I am by no means entirely cured of it myself, but here is the reasoning I stumbled upon that helped me down the road to making the self-hatred leave me alone.

Water seeks its own level. This is something my mother used to say all the time. It means the same as "birds of a feather flock together", yet it seems more pointed to me, more atavistic. I believe it, firmly. Most of us do. There is good reason. The friends and associates we choose, and feel most at home with, are fundementally on the same level of maturity, quality, whatever as we ourselves are - not always precisely the same, but the basic ability to grok each other is there. Now, take a look at the people you surround yourselves with - your friends are amazing people. They are loving, giving, smart, passionate, witty, amazing people. They are Buffistas, who abound with those qualities, as well as the simply amazing people whom we know apart from this place. The reason we are surrounded by these amazing people is not because they have taken pity on us and let us hang around, but because we are fundementally on the same level as they are. It is hard to accept at first. But logically, and truly, we are wonderful and amazing people too.

But the sad thing is that somewhere along the way, we have been taught, most likely by our families, that we do not deserve to be loved without condition, that we are not good enough. We have learned that it is right and good to say horrible, ugly things to ourselves - because our parents or someone else close to us in our formative times did so. We believe the crap that our families tried to smother us in. We say things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to someone we think is an amazing, wonderful person.

The challenge is learning to talk to ourselves the way we talk to our friends. It feels strange at first, but after a while it gets easier. We deserve to be loved, and loved by ourselves. We deserve to hear good things said to us, and we can say those things to ourselves.


WindSparrow - Feb 10, 2006 6:54:22 am PST #8495 of 10001
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.

Tommyrot:

wonder how they revamped Ken's soul?

Revamped? I'm thinking, one night spent with Skipper.... er... um...


Steph L. - Feb 10, 2006 7:02:14 am PST #8496 of 10001
I look more rad than Lutheranism

But the sad thing is that somewhere along the way, we have been taught, most likely by our families, that we do not deserve to be loved without condition, that we are not good enough.

Or that the best we can ever hope for is a pity fuck? That's exactly where my brain is at right now.


Connie Neil - Feb 10, 2006 7:26:01 am PST #8497 of 10001
brillig

Or that the best we can ever hope for is a pity fuck? That's exactly where my brain is at right now.

Surely you know more deserving men than the ones who need pity fucks. The fabulous ones who will lust after you are probably deeply in love with their own versions of Gina Torres or still engrossed in winning a Nobel Prize and haven't looked up long enough yet.


Aims - Feb 10, 2006 7:46:51 am PST #8498 of 10001
Shit's all sorts of different now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ma to Katerina~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ma to ND's Dad~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


beth b - Feb 10, 2006 7:47:07 am PST #8499 of 10001
oh joy! Oh Rapture ! I have a brain!

Windsparrow is a wise one.

DH bodyslammed one of my hot buttons this am. It wasn't deliberate, he is just trying to take care of stuff. I am trying to let it go - and not do what I normally do - which is talk at him until I feel better. or make snide comments until I feel better. Not sure if this is going to work.


Aims - Feb 10, 2006 7:48:07 am PST #8500 of 10001
Shit's all sorts of different now.

Here beth, make the snide comments at me. I can take it! You'll get tham all worked out and then will only have loving things to say to DH.


beth b - Feb 10, 2006 7:48:38 am PST #8501 of 10001
oh joy! Oh Rapture ! I have a brain!

sending out the everythingwillbefine ma~~~ in two dirrections.


Katerina Bee - Feb 10, 2006 7:51:13 am PST #8502 of 10001
Herding cats for fun

Ken Synchronicity Boobie Necklace!

About driving away the demons of self-hatred: the very best technique I've got in the toolkit was the one where I compare my negative self-thoughts to what I would allow anyone to say about my friends in front of me. Somehow, insisting that the voice of the inner critic conform with Miss Manners protocol really helped me. Of course, I'm still an awful person and everything is all my fault because I'm fat, so you shouldn't take my advice because it will be all wrong!

Clearly, the battle is ongoing.


Fred Pete - Feb 10, 2006 7:54:42 am PST #8503 of 10001
Ann, that's a ferret.

Ex-gay penguins? Don't bet on it.