I know that being told that sort of thing doesn't even come close to silencing the voices of the Low Self-Esteem Monsters, but sometimes it helps.
I got into a bad self-punishment loop when I tried to silence the voices altogether; every time they yipped at me, I felt worse for not being strong enough to muffle them, which just proved how right they were after all about me, which just made them crow with triumph, which made me feel even worse and more self-defeated, which made them louder, etc. ad infinitem.
It was a huge relief to have the therapist suggest I treat them the same way I treated the people outside my brain who did disappointing or insensitive things: instead of wasting my time and energy and setting myself up for more failure by trying to make them stop, I could just shrug, say, "Well, that was nasty but totally unsurprising," step around it and keep moving.
Not wise, just well-trained. And shit, I bloody well ought to be. The amount of money that went into all that therapy probably could've gotten me through a master's/Ph.D. program (for about a year I was up to 3 times a week, or maybe 4; it was so bad that whole year is sort of a blur and I just don't remember); I'd better have some kind of edjumafication to show for it.
treat them the same way I treated the people outside my brain who did disappointing or insensitive things: instead of wasting my time and energy and setting myself up for more failure by trying to make them stop, I could just shrug, say, "Well, that was nasty but totally unsurprising," step around it and keep moving.
I think I am going to use this as a mantra for dealing with the bugfuck crazy parts of my family. And really? They aren't all bugfuck so much as they are clearly delineating which are and which are not. Which is sickening but comforting because there are some that I just can write off. I will still end up around them at times and I can be perfectly pleasant when that happens.
Oh. And well-trained *is* smart. Though not eel-trained which is what I wrote twice. My typo made me want sushi.
In completely other news, I am mad in love with this t-shirt.
LOVE that t-shirt.
No one's posting. pout pout pout.
Sorry, Teppy can't post right now, as she's too busy with a full program of self-loathing. Please leave an insult about her stomach at the sound of the beep.
I only just got home. The next time I'm in LA, remind me there are some people I have to kill.
I got another phone call about that internship. They're still trying to work out some details about whether to hire someone, since this is a new position that they just kind of created because they realized that they needed someone to do it and they didn't have anyone who could, but he said that he'd call me back tomorrow to let me know if it goes through.
Sounds good, but the waiting is crazy-making.
