Nora, your original version sounds fine to me, but if (as is likely) I'm overshare-y and Tom is right about the need to CYA, the revised version is excellent.
Saffron: You're a good man. Mal: You clearly haven't been talking to anyone else on this boat.
'Our Mrs. Reynolds'
Spike's Bitches 28: For the Safety of Puppies...and Christmas!
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
JZ - Jan 23, 2006 5:56:40 am PST #5794 of 10001
See? I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me what a bad person I am and nobody did, because I fuckin' rule.
Sparky1 - Jan 23, 2006 6:02:51 am PST #5795 of 10001
Librarian Warlord
{{Aimee}}
Nora, I think both versions work, too.
This is me, doing a drive by post to make you all jealous until this afternoon when I'll have some more time to post for real:
I have an smonster at my apartment!
amych - Jan 23, 2006 6:16:35 am PST #5796 of 10001
Now let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?
I have an smonster at my apartment!
jealousjealousjealous
if (as is likely) I'm overshare-y and Tom is right about the need to CYA, the revised version is excellent.
Yeah, I think my preference for the second isn't so much that I'm convinced that you really need to CYA in this kind of situation, as the fact that I tend to be the opposite of overshare-y and even kind of "why the fuck do you need to know this, anyway?" So the "I'm coming in to talk long-term plans" emphasis of the second feels like it would be comfortable to me than the "here's what I don't like about my current job" of the first.
This is, of course, not everyone's read on these things.
Gudanov - Jan 23, 2006 6:17:56 am PST #5797 of 10001
Coding and Sleeping
We don't have a smonster, but Leif is convinced there are monsters living in the storage room.
Trudy Booth - Jan 23, 2006 6:18:40 am PST #5798 of 10001
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
So he WANTS to go in there, right?
It could be like a seminar for him, or a master class.
They could be recruiters, "that chocolate chip cookie recipe shows some reeeeeeel promise, kid"
You'll have agents sniffing around making all sorts of promises within the week, all the best teams trying to sign him...
Gudanov - Jan 23, 2006 6:20:13 am PST #5799 of 10001
Coding and Sleeping
Well, he wants to go into the storage room to explore, but he's afraid of the monsters so he doesn't. He's terrified of monsters and clowns.
Topic!Cindy - Jan 23, 2006 6:21:08 am PST #5800 of 10001
What is even happening?
I'd take a monster over a clown, any day.
Trudy Booth - Jan 23, 2006 6:21:52 am PST #5801 of 10001
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
Wow, I didn't think that little fella was afraid of anything.
Oh, and my edit isn't calling him a monster but he's certainly mischeif-gifted.
tommyrot - Jan 23, 2006 6:22:50 am PST #5802 of 10001
Sir, it's not an offence to let your cat eat your bacon. Okay? And we don't arrest cats, I'm very sorry.
Well, he wants to go into the storage room to explore, but he's afraid of the monsters so he doesn't. He's terrified of monsters and clowns.
Tell him that the only thing that both monsters and clowns are afraid of is pirates, so if he dresses like a pirate when he goes ito the storage room he'll be safe.
Although you might not want to follow this advice if your goal is to raise a well-adjusted child....
amych - Jan 23, 2006 6:24:02 am PST #5803 of 10001
Now let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?
you might not want to follow this advice if your goal is to raise a well-adjusted child....
On the other hand, he would be (okay, in this case, remain) interesting.