The never-ending break-up is still going on, although I think I am not unhappy with yesterday. Came over and we talked, laughed, cried, hugged, etc. Felt less I'm not sure what and more like resignation and perhaps closure. Today is far less calm, as I still wish I knew what the future will hold. We love each other so, but I want marriage now and he doesn't. So break-up we must, if only to get our lives back in order without the other clouding up the issue. I will attempt personal discovery, and will try to do that whole love yourself thing as I beat myself up so. He has things to work on as well. I am TRYING not to put too much stock in maybe working things out in the long run. Some couples manage it, and some don't. It's too soon to know what will be for us. It would be so much easier if we were angry or upset or had a different reason for ending.

Meanwhile, I am taking my sweet, sweet time in packing up my stuff (mostly kitchen stuff as he has an oven that works and I have a kitchenette with a toaster oven, but also Christmas gifts), baking his birthday cake, and just trying to make it through the day. Then he'll come home and I'll give him back his key and try to figure out what I really and truly want.

I'm such a coward that I'm not sure I'd do it all over again if I had to, because it hurts so damn much. But there are so many wonderful things I would have missed. And personal growth I might never have acheived. This growing up stuff is so frelling hard. I know I have an opportunity now for personal transformation that I might never take if I stay with him. Doesn't make me feel any more excited about that prospect.

Man, am I wordy. Sorry.

I say go with the gut too, Suzi. Too many kids make stupid decisions on this night, plus the fact that you know she had some iffy friends before, and they're still going to be around, if only on the fringes.

I'm glad you conquered the duvet, Perkins. Those things can be vicious.

Here's to juliana's landing being smooth and on time.

{{{d}}}

Sail, she says that there will be an adult there, but I'm kinda feeling grinchy. Part of it is that we are not "official" yet, gaurdian-wise, so I'd hate for something to happen that could jeapardize that, ya know?

Somehow making a bad parental decision when it is really YOUR decision to make is different. Wow, I had not realized that was part of my reticence until I wrote that out. Thanks for the free therapy.

Oh, d, I hope thinks work out in a way that makes you happy.

I repeat, the duvet cover has been defeated.

You didn't take that on by yourself, did you? Brave woman.

Wow, I had not realized that was part of my reticence until I wrote that out. Thanks for the free therapy.

Who said it was free? ;} Just wait until May. Bwahahaha.

MAY!!!!! One of the big things that is keeping my head up these days!

{{d}} I hope things ease for you soon.

So break-up we must, if only to get our lives back in order without the other clouding up the issue. I will attempt personal discovery, and will try to do that whole love yourself thing as I beat myself up so. He has things to work on as well.

This is very, very wise. good luck to you d.

d, I'm so sorry you are going through all this. If it helps to know, then know that to an outsider, it sounds to me like you are making really sound choices, and are awfully brave. Here's hoping some wonderful things come your way in 2006.

Sail, she says that there will be an adult there, but I'm kinda feeling grinchy. Part of it is that we are not "official" yet, gaurdian-wise, so I'd hate for something to happen that could jeapardize that, ya know?

Somehow making a bad parental decision when it is really YOUR decision to make is different.

I think I would feel the same way, and make the same decision, Suzi. I know that went through my head when I read your post and realized it was C and not K-Bug.

When I was a teenager, and starting to go to parties of kids my mother didn't know, she made no bones about calling the parents to (a) make sure they'd be there, and (b) that their idea of chaperoning was somewhat in the same neighborhood of her idea of chaperoning. The first time she did it (I was going to a slumber party in 7th grade, at the house of a girl I'd just met that year), I thought I would die of humiliation. I never did like it, until I was past the age where it was necessary. As a parent, I know I'll do the same thing.

But we saw some shots of Mae West that made us do a rewind. I didn't find the exact shot ... but our dear Teppy could do a Mae West with ease.

Beth, you and Matt just made my DAY. I'm going to feel all Mae West for the rest of the weekend.