'Get It Done'
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
If we're talking "Let's go on another date" vs. "I don't think we should go on another date." I'm fine with it. If it's about my prospects as a wife or mother (or lack thereof) I don't want to go there.Yes, I was taking a very non-Orthodox, American view of what Nilly mentioned. I wouldn't have wanted to know too much, but hated the insincere "I'll call you." Don't say that, if you're not going to. Just say "So long," it won't hurt. I promise.
it's more the realization of "I don't have to date any more, ever!" that clues you in.
I've already had that realisation.
It's why I'm single.
If we can't establish if a second date would be welcome while on the date, then the only reason for a phone call is to ask me out again. Really no reason to call and say your not interested for any reason.
I am trying to think of the last dates I had. I think the most recent one went well, we both left saying we had a good time and would like to see each other again. I think I emailed 2 days later and he never called or emailed. Clear enough.
You knew WHEN the relationship was gonna end while you were in it
I don't think I can say I had anything that I may call a "relationship". but there were definitely guys I've gone out with for a second time just to make sure that my first impression was true. And a couple I didn't stop dating until I could phrase to myself what wasn't working. I have no idea if that's what ita meant, of course, and I realize it's not the same, but that's how it applied to me.
The poor man doesn't know what he's missing.
Cindy, you're sweet. But it really did just not fit. He only saved the phone bill for later.
There was one blind date, where we were both quite certain after a not-really-pleasant hour, that it's completely not working. He said it, I agreed with him, and we ended up spending an hour later in chatting and whining about dating. It was the most pleasant hour-in-a-date I've had in a long time.
I don't really care why, the end result is the same
For me, it helps paint the picture in which I took part in clearer lights. It helps me when I see things through the eyes of somebody else who was there, the only one who took part in it other than me. It's more for me and about me than caring about what a nearly-stranger may think, if that makes sense.
Also, alas, it helps that I can tell my worrying mom that "he didn't think it could work, either, it wan't just me" and mean it.
Hi Nilly!
Well, I have to say I'd prefer the framed way your peeps do it to the flaky way most Americans handle it. I didn't date until late in life (I'm a pretty late bloomer that way). I did the online dating thing for some time and it was nearly across the board an experience of flakery.
I haven't dated in quite some time now. I don't actively seek it and I'm not enough of a looker to automatically attract invitations to date. At some point I'll need to figure out how I meet people, then. Most people at my work are cocooned with their S.O. I don't go to school. I've got pretty bad people-meeting skills. For instance, I was thinking about how many Buffistas IM each other, call each other, etc. There are boards where I've been a regular poster for a really long time and I can only think of 2 people I've ever been able to make that leap with. I'm always afraid to ask for anyone's contact info because I'm afraid they'll think I'm prying.
Boy, I'm grateful to be married. Having an instant partner/back-up is terrific. For example, I realized half an hour ago that I'd left my debit card in an ATM at a grocery store last night, so I could call Hubby and say, "I have to get back to work! Can you call around and see where it is and call the bank if you have to?" "Right." (The bank has already cut it up, standard procedure if non-customer cards get left in their machine, but that's way better than it being in some gangsta's hip pocket. That bank's ATMs automatically swallow cards if they're left hanging in the slot to be picked up for too long. Very comforting.)
Spouses are handy.
we can have a not care off.
I can beat you all!
Last date I had, um, a long time ago, is someone who I still see frequently at social and work events. It wasn't at all weird to see him a week after the um-no-more last date.
I don't get all that human interpersonal relationship stuff. I may be maladjusted, but I freely admit to it and can live with it. If I'm not interested enough to be interested, I'm just not going to make any effort whatsoever.
I can't remember the last time I went on a date that I knew was a date. I do have some bitter memories of bait and switches where the guy either during or afterwards revealed he was thinking of it as a date, despite us having explicitly said it wouldn't be one.
If we can't establish if a second date would be welcome while on the date
You're just shifting where the information exchange takes place.
So how common is it for people to say "meh, why bother?" to the whole looking-for-somebody thing?
If we can't establish if a second date would be welcome while on the date, then the only reason for a phone call is to ask me out again. Really no reason to call and say your not interested for any reason.
Of course, but haven't you ever had it established on one date that a subsequent date would be welcome (by both of you) only to have it never occur? The phone call would be preferable, to me. I never needed a reason. A distinct lack of "I'll call you," or "We should get together this weekend," while on the date, would have sufficed. If "I'll call you" was said in haste or error, an end to the stringing along also would have sufficed.
There was one blind date, where we were both quite certain after a not-really-pleasant hour, that it's completely not working. He said it, I agreed with him, and we ended up spending an hour later in chatting and whining about dating. It was the most pleasant hour-in-a-date I've had in a long time.
The fun came in once the pressure was off.
For instance, I was thinking about how many Buffistas IM each other, call each other, etc. There are boards where I've been a regular poster for a really long time and I can only think of 2 people I've ever been able to make that leap with. I'm always afraid to ask for anyone's contact info because I'm afraid they'll think I'm prying.
It's a hard line to walk. I figure here, people who really don't want to be contacted will opt for their addresses to not be available from their profile.