drift away = not returning calls, not making the calls yourself, having other plans when asked out.....usually, if it is just after a few dates the other person will beg off. If they are a tool, they will demand to know what is going on, become a stalker, or just keep trying to contact you.

You can tell someone things aren't working for you, without saying why.

"It's not you, it's me"?

You really shouldn't have to make an excuse

Is that because it's not a real breakup? I am looking at this as more than a series of invitations...or is there an assumption that nothing physical has happened here?

not that I've ever dated more than one person at a time

Hey, you have the advantage over me, since my statement ends three words earlier than yours.

I'm crushing on the guy who's just had the baby, but only when he's all business.

Oh my god, Hughes! I love Hughes and his knives. His behavior always makes me think of The Scarlet Pimpernel.

Is that because it's not a real breakup?

I think so. A couple of dates is not "dating someone" hell, I'd argue that sex does not equal "dating someone". If the time and investment has not been made for it to be a relationship, then passivity and non-response should be enough to stop it.

The hard part can be if both parties do not view things the same way. One thinks relationship, one thinks person I barely know. One thinks couple of date, one is making wedding plans.

Is that because it's not a real breakup? I am looking at this as more than a series of invitations...or is there an assumption that nothing physical has happened here?

I'm sure I'm old-fashioned, but I wouldn't be having sex with more than one person at a time. I don't know about just fooling around.

This is all very interesting. The drift away solution seems mean to me, but it might be lack of practice on my part.

You can tell someone things aren't working for you, without saying why.

The way I see it, the very fact that things aren't working is reason enough in and of itself. Saying "it just doesn't work" means there's nothing inherently wrong with either him or me, it's just that we don't fit. At least, that's the way I understand it, and usually only after the one (blind, in my case) date.

not that I've ever dated more than one person at a time

Once, friendA offered to set me up with guyA, and then was gone for a few weeks, so when friendB offered to set me up with guyB, I agreed as well, not feeling obligated to guyA anymore, seeing as he was missing. Of course, right then and there, guyA calls out of the blue. So I had two blind-dates in two consecutive evenings. It felt so very strange.

IIRC, I went out with guyA on a second date, after which we had the "it just doesn't work" conversation and parted ways as friends, but guyB had that conversation right after the first blind date. And that's my history as a more-than-one-guy-date-er.

[Edit: I don't know how to do the "drift away" thing, not just in dates, but in any sort of connection.]

Even with a real break-up, you don't have to explain. You might want to, but you don't have to. I HAVE dated more than one person, and you can either do the drift thing or say "It's been great getting to know you and hanging out with you but this relationship isn't working for me." They may ask why, and you can then tell them about the other guy/gal/marmot if you want to, or say something vague, like, lots of reasons.

Opinions differ, ita. I think it's emotional cowardice to go to the "drift away" thing. Although it's very very common in our society. I prefer clear communication. Someone not calling could be interpreted a variety of ways - it could be they got busy. But when someone says "Thanks, but I'm not interested in another date." (or however it needs to be phrased to best be politely candid), it's clear.

the very fact that things aren't working is reason enough in and of itself

But in the scenario about which I'm curious, it's not that things aren't working. It's that things are working better with someone else.