You know, I used to think that site was Cute Overlord. Not that I've ever visited it, though.

My impression is that usually you just drift away after a couple dates if it's not going anywhere, though.

How does one person just drift away though? I'm so clueless about this stuff. It just seems that once you've gone on real dates, if one of you is presented with a reason to call it off that the other person doesn't know about, you have to make some excuse. It's not just that it's not going anywhere -- it's that you'd rather go there with the other person.

You can tell someone things aren't working for you, without saying why.

You really shouldn't have to make an excuse, like with any invitation. "No thanks" should be plenty. Again, not that I've ever dated more than one person at a time, but I've also never given or heard a specific reason for not going out again. And more often than not, it's just been a lack of contact.

drift away = not returning calls, not making the calls yourself, having other plans when asked out.....usually, if it is just after a few dates the other person will beg off. If they are a tool, they will demand to know what is going on, become a stalker, or just keep trying to contact you.

You can tell someone things aren't working for you, without saying why.

"It's not you, it's me"?

You really shouldn't have to make an excuse

Is that because it's not a real breakup? I am looking at this as more than a series of invitations...or is there an assumption that nothing physical has happened here?

not that I've ever dated more than one person at a time

Hey, you have the advantage over me, since my statement ends three words earlier than yours.

I'm crushing on the guy who's just had the baby, but only when he's all business.

Oh my god, Hughes! I love Hughes and his knives. His behavior always makes me think of The Scarlet Pimpernel.

Is that because it's not a real breakup?

I think so. A couple of dates is not "dating someone" hell, I'd argue that sex does not equal "dating someone". If the time and investment has not been made for it to be a relationship, then passivity and non-response should be enough to stop it.

The hard part can be if both parties do not view things the same way. One thinks relationship, one thinks person I barely know. One thinks couple of date, one is making wedding plans.

Is that because it's not a real breakup? I am looking at this as more than a series of invitations...or is there an assumption that nothing physical has happened here?

I'm sure I'm old-fashioned, but I wouldn't be having sex with more than one person at a time. I don't know about just fooling around.

This is all very interesting. The drift away solution seems mean to me, but it might be lack of practice on my part.

You can tell someone things aren't working for you, without saying why.

The way I see it, the very fact that things aren't working is reason enough in and of itself. Saying "it just doesn't work" means there's nothing inherently wrong with either him or me, it's just that we don't fit. At least, that's the way I understand it, and usually only after the one (blind, in my case) date.

not that I've ever dated more than one person at a time

Once, friendA offered to set me up with guyA, and then was gone for a few weeks, so when friendB offered to set me up with guyB, I agreed as well, not feeling obligated to guyA anymore, seeing as he was missing. Of course, right then and there, guyA calls out of the blue. So I had two blind-dates in two consecutive evenings. It felt so very strange.

IIRC, I went out with guyA on a second date, after which we had the "it just doesn't work" conversation and parted ways as friends, but guyB had that conversation right after the first blind date. And that's my history as a more-than-one-guy-date-er.

[Edit: I don't know how to do the "drift away" thing, not just in dates, but in any sort of connection.]