So, I've been banking on the fact that the people who RSVPed three weeks ago for this event tonight wouldn't actually come. Yeah, too bad I've heard from three of the first 5 RSVPers today. Wish me not-too-many-people. Because they all have my name now, so I'm askeered.

Dana, kill 'em.

Jesse - why don't you want people to show up?

Killing seems like a good plan to me.

why don't you want people to show up?

We have 200 chairs in the room, I believe, and and 280 "confirmed" attendees plus an extra 30 on a wait list. So I want many of them to show up, just not ALL of them.

Dana, I have a fun habit of forwarding the original email, with a bolded note at the top: Please answer these questions by [date]. Failure to answer these questions will result in delays. And evil use of the CC function.

I am a bold abuser of bolds and underlines, when the situation warrants.

Is it bureaucracy we need to worry about? I figure they can already get semi-legit access to my sensitive data anyway. It's Joe Blow that worries me.

Bureaucracies employ a lot of Joe Blows, is what I mean. The more employees, the more opportunities for any gven Joe Blow to be a bad guy and steal your information. That goes double when fully half the employees make a profession out of being bored.

Oh, that's great! So you had to take that nasty examination with all the sugar drinking?

Oh, yes. There were two rounds. The first one, I failed. The second one involved an early, fasting blood draw followed by drinking even MORE sugary stuff and then by a blood draw every three hours. I have HUGE bruises in the crook of both arms but I'm thankfully FREE of the GD.

Which means, of course, I still need to be reasonable about what I eat but I don't have to militantly ban all the good stuff (i.e. Krispy Kreme) from my diet.

So I want many of them to show up, just not ALL of them.

Hmmm. Any chance of a transit strike in your area?

That goes double when fully half the employees make a profession out of being bored.

Wait, you mean I could do this professionally? This opens up broad new vistas of job opportunities for me.

Hmmm. Any chance of a transit strike in your area?

Ha! That would mean five people would show.

Nah, I'm sure it will be fine, and everyone will have a seat. I just hate the idea that potentially cranky people will have my name.

OMG and the guy who is apparently incapable of spelling out "please"? I'm going to cut him. Seriously. He can apparently only type "pl."

ita, insent.

He can apparently only type "pl."

Misinterpret it for maximum embarassment (his). People, place, placate, plate, platypus, pleasure, plankton . . .

"Dear Asshat Coworker. I've attempted to interpret your non-standard abbreviations. Please explain what "pleather" has to do with our work flow management problems?"