It's the middle of November in Minnesota. Why do we have a Tornado watch?

Weather is craxy weird.

Thunderstorm now. Wheee.

I'd feel better about this whole going back to work thing if I could actually foresee myself getting a chance to relax any time in the next 5-10 years.

Seriously. That's why I'm annoyed about having to start Monday. This week I scrambled through Thursday to get my manuscript out the door, and have been scrambling ever since to get everything set up to start work. And it feels like I'll never, ever get the chance to just curl up with a book for the fun of it again ever in my life. At least not till I'm very, very old.

I'm so tired I want to cry, and I haven't even started work yet.

Memorial service for dog who rescued cats:

[link]

And it feels like I'll never, ever get the chance to just curl up with a book for the fun of it again ever in my life.

Reading is a tough one. I only manage it in 10-15 minute chunks. Waiting at the bus stop is prime time. I just carry a book with me and when I have to wait in a line at the bank or wait on hold or whatever I open it.

Hours in the day is a huge problem. Kids do become more and more independent though and need less hands on help and more just being there.

You will find your own way to have your down time. Mostly I only get it in tiny increments.

I'd feel better about this whole going back to work thing if I could actually foresee myself getting a chance to relax any time in the next 5-10 years.

Hell, I don't have this now and I don't even have kids. I'm working 7 days a week all this month, and nothing really shorter than a 10 or 12 hour day. Since friday I haven't even been home and I only got 3 hours of sleep the night before that.

I'd love a vacation, however it's not gonna happen. As it is I finally got health insurance for the first time in forever a few months ago, and if I don't get enough work on union contracts I'll lose it again. As long as I can remember it's been about getting enough contracts to pay the rent. It's how I've had to live just to be a freelancer. Read a book for pleasure? I do it, but the only way that I do is by making the choice to get less sleep.

Ugh. Back problems acting up again. Fairly sizable quantities of aspirin did nothing. I've learned through trial and painful error that other painkillers, even the hard core prescriptions, do jack for my back pain, but dollar store aspirin mostly does the trick. Not this time. Hot bath - nothing. Sports cream all over - zip.

Glass of red wine (The Little Penguin shiraz, DX), and I'm feeling fine.

That doesn't mean I'm going to stop at the one. I really don't think I can take that risk.

You will find your own way to have your down time. Mostly I only get it in tiny increments.

DH is probably right in saying it won't be that much more stressful once I get back into the rhythm of things than it was when I was working full-time pre-Annabel. We're going to try to have her in bed by 8:00, which will give me three hours most evenings between her bedtime and mine.

Part of my stress is just over the timing. If they'd let me start the 21st or the 28th, I wouldn't feel half so overwhelmed. I could get the house straightened up a bit, take some days to spend Annabel's naptime doing nothing but reading for fun, etc. But as is, I'd been pushing myself hard to get the manuscript out the door and letting the house descend into chaos while I did it. So it's going from stress to stress, and with the house at a point where just looking at it gives me more stress. Maybe I need to go back on the FlyLady program until the house is only a moderate disaster area. And maybe once our finances have settled down a bit, we should price a maid service.

Gronk. Howdy.

Went to my healer today - she's actually my masseuse, but she also talks to my spirit guides and does energy work (and now we're going to go for full-on woo, so skeptics, be warned). She said a lot of wonderful and very positive things, like once I hit SF, my mourning period will be a lot shorter than I think. Also, that I'm really going to come into my own, but I need to sit and meditate on exactly what I'd like to be doing once I get there, because my guides want to give me what I want and need, but I need to know what I'm going for.

After that, I came home and slept for 3 hours. I've been playing on the computer since I got back up, and now I might go to sleep.

So. A pretty good day.

That sounds like excellent advice, j, wherever she's getting her inspiration from. Yay for good days, especially when you need and deserve them so much.