There's a *reason* that bears hibernate in the winter, damn it. Who are we to defy the laws of nature?

All I want to do is hibernate. This is the exact wrong time of the year for me to have an assload of freelance work to do, and yet -- the assload looms. I'm so overwhelmed, not just by freelance work, but by....everything. Everything seems herculean, and/or not worth the effort.

I don't know how common it is, but I have Schroedinger's Depression [note: not a real malady]. If I can ignore all the warning signs, then it's not "real," it doesn't exist, and I can manage to push on through all the crap I need to do. But once I acknowledge its existence -- boom. The smallest things are suddenly insurmountable, and I just want to crawl in a cave and hibernate.

And my Dad is having his gallbladder out tomorrow, which I know is fairly routine at this point in medical advances. But I still feel so burdened.

Really, I want to crawl in a cave where no one can reach me, no one can bother me and need a ride home from the hospital, need me to fix what they fucked up at work, need me to work overtime, need me to be friendly, need me to give advice, need me to not object to being the responsible one, need me to answer the goddamned phone, need me to cook for myself, need me to do anything more than just sleep. I don't have any extra energy to give to anything outside of me right now, but the outside never goes away, and never fucking stops needing needing needing.

Cave. Now. Please.

t edit Please, please, PLEASE no punctuation hugs.

I am in a foul mood tonight, and will gladly beat the crap out of Sparky's nephew's bully. And out of whoever put a single oreo in a bag. And anyone else that needs beating up. Because BLEAH. (I got home from work at 10pm. BLEAH)

Yay Maria's pictures.

But Teppy, Shroedinger put his cat in a box, not a cave. Clearly, this means that you need Profit DVDs.

Well fuck. It turns out my wife who normally pays bills has stopped paying them and has just told me about it. Now I'm going through a big stack of mail, sorting out the bills and trying to piece together the financial picture. There's a bunch of late notices and hell, even a disconnect notice from the electric company from September (guess she paid that one). Looks like I'll be taking over bill payment from here on out.

Also, Owen is absoutely adorable.

If a school paper says I need to apply a recent job related decision I made to a decision making model - can I write the paper in first person? Or do I need to figure how to make it third person.

My brain is about to implode.

Well fuck. It turns out my wife who normally pays bills has stopped paying them and has just told me about it. Now I'm going through a big stack of mail, sorting out the bills and trying to piece together the financial picture. There's a bunch of late notices and hell, even a disconnect notice from the electric company from September (guess she paid that one). Looks like I'll be taking over bill payment from here on out.

That's nuts, Gud. Is this just her depression, or is she creating an art form out of being passive-aggressive?

This is passive-aggressive craziness. If she'd just said "you take over the bill paying" that would be one thing, but to stop paying them and not tell me. Plus, it looks like she's been behind on bill paying for a several months from what I'm seeing.

You know, Gud, I just feel like at this point she's trying to sabotage the marriage. She won't end it herself (though she wants to), and if she can't drive you away by being unceasingly critical then she's going to cause a crisis to precipitate the end.

But Teppy, Shroedinger put his cat in a box, not a cave.

I'm a Schroedinger's Teppy, not a Schroedinger's cat. I'm not small enough to fit in a box. Silly Jess.

I think I shall go make a cave out of my down comforter and maybe my alarm won't go off until June.