I will not be a buzzkill all season, espcially since I pointed out that it's not the holidays, it is in fact my suckiness that sucks.

But I will point out with arched eyebrow (which I can only do online) that evading family shit is NSM easily done. For me. Perhaps this is a Scrooge McDuck characteristic of my own that must be overcome, my burden to bear, so to speak, but family stuff is, well, hard to avoid.

Speaking as someone who has gone to some lengths to avoid it.

I don't understand why people feel oppressed by the holidays. Reject the shit you don't like, and do the shit you do like.

@@

Were it only that simple. However, as a married person with a small child and both families within spitting distance, let me assure you, it's not.

If you were allowed to kill all the people who were holidaying in your face, and exhorting you to follow suit, then it'd be more than easy to reject, it'd be fun.

I've had the current job for years, but I've wanted out for about as long. (I run a university website, in case you're wondering.) There was one position in this city I have always said I would jump at if it were to open up: Webmaster for the big evangelical Christian college in this city. It's closer to work, a large chunk of the church works there, and it's small and not very bureaucratic. And they need a TON of help being hauled into the 21st century -- the stuff I'm doing at this school is stuff they dream of having.

The job opened up.

But I've been hemming and hawing about getting my MLIS and doing stuff with data and libraries. If I somehow get offered the other job and take it, I won't be able to get my MLIS for free at my current university, and I'll basically commit myself to staying with the web for a few more years. An MLIS would give me enough to build a bigger, richer career... about the time Annabel is going to college.

So, the dilemma that may be before me (if I get the other job) is to stick with the web for another 3-5 more years, or to stay where I am, endure Pointy-Haired Professor until I get my MLIS (or get another job here at the U).

For the record, I haven't applied to the MLIS program, and I haven't applied for the other job.

As a result, I'm doing both today so that I HAVE two choices.

Whoa, Hec is just laying it on the line tonight.

"DID YOU EVEN READ MY FUCKING PAPER????!!!!"

I think this is a perfectly valid tack to take.

I love the holidays, but I'm really really missing them. We didn't do anything for any of them last year, so I'm hoping we can do SOMETHING this year for Halloween at least...and we'll see family in early December, so that's something.

I take it back - we went to another embassy family's house for Thanksgiving. It was an act of true Christian charity on their part to invite us; they knew we didn't have anyone to share T-day with, so they invited us even though we made them really uncomfortable. I don't know why why bugged them, but I have nothing but respect for the invitation.

I respect the fact that other people love the holidays, and there are parts I like as well, and Tom and I are trying to make our own traditions.

But for me, I've dreaded the holidays for as long as I can remember, the family dynamics before (who goes where? who hosts? who can't go and is a selfish cunt for it?) and during (yay, holidays on vodka and whiskey @@) just magnfiy the hell out of everything that is hard all year round.

So, you know, step off Hec, and enjoy your holidays, (I look forward to hearing about them) but give me a little credit that maybe I'm not just whining for the fun of it.

Unless that's my thing now, in which case, I'll stop.

Anyway. bah.

Were it only that simple. However, as a married person with a small child and both families within spitting distance, let me assure you, it's not.

Of course there are compromises and I have to make plenty of them around the holidays. But ultimately, if you're the only one making the sacrifices and it's making you miserable you can say "No" some of the time instead of rolling over for family expectations of Happy FunTime Holiday Hoo Haw.

espcially since I pointed out that it's not the holidays, it is in fact my suckiness that sucks.

I don't think you suck. I just think saying "No" when people (even family) are jacking up your misery level is one of the keys to adult mental health. "Fuck it" is also a useful concept. Cashmere should say, "Fuck it" when her family expects to drive with a little Kinder all over Ohio for the holidays.

Whoa, Hec is just laying it on the line tonight.

I'm living dangerously! Amych's going to punch me in the nose any second. I can feel it coming.

I just think saying "No" when people (even family) are jacking up your misery level is one of the keys to adult mental health. "Fuck it" is also a useful concept.

I agree. (see: elopment) but I gotta pick my battles and I can't say Fuck It *every* year.

The only way to control some of the holiday stuff was to move across country. For the record, I like the holidays. and I like my family, both sides. Plus, I like all the in laws too. However, when we all lived within spitting distance - it was all crazy. really crazy. If I hated them - it would have been easy. The best I could do when we were near family - was to make sure it wasn't going to kill us - and make sure that no one ( including DH) tried to change the schedual. Being the hardass around the holidays - less fun than you'd imagine.

I don't have to find Public Enemy this year...some lovely people made me discs with Marvin Gaye and Curtis Mayfield and etc. I'm gonna watch the Christmas Homicide where Gee ends up beating everyone at Hearts and...after that, nsm with the planfulness. But I'm not being tortured by stepmonster again. We're gonna have Other Plans.