Were it only that simple. However, as a married person with a small child and both families within spitting distance, let me assure you, it's not.

Of course there are compromises and I have to make plenty of them around the holidays. But ultimately, if you're the only one making the sacrifices and it's making you miserable you can say "No" some of the time instead of rolling over for family expectations of Happy FunTime Holiday Hoo Haw.

espcially since I pointed out that it's not the holidays, it is in fact my suckiness that sucks.

I don't think you suck. I just think saying "No" when people (even family) are jacking up your misery level is one of the keys to adult mental health. "Fuck it" is also a useful concept. Cashmere should say, "Fuck it" when her family expects to drive with a little Kinder all over Ohio for the holidays.

Whoa, Hec is just laying it on the line tonight.

I'm living dangerously! Amych's going to punch me in the nose any second. I can feel it coming.

I just think saying "No" when people (even family) are jacking up your misery level is one of the keys to adult mental health. "Fuck it" is also a useful concept.

I agree. (see: elopment) but I gotta pick my battles and I can't say Fuck It *every* year.

The only way to control some of the holiday stuff was to move across country. For the record, I like the holidays. and I like my family, both sides. Plus, I like all the in laws too. However, when we all lived within spitting distance - it was all crazy. really crazy. If I hated them - it would have been easy. The best I could do when we were near family - was to make sure it wasn't going to kill us - and make sure that no one ( including DH) tried to change the schedual. Being the hardass around the holidays - less fun than you'd imagine.

I don't have to find Public Enemy this year...some lovely people made me discs with Marvin Gaye and Curtis Mayfield and etc. I'm gonna watch the Christmas Homicide where Gee ends up beating everyone at Hearts and...after that, nsm with the planfulness. But I'm not being tortured by stepmonster again. We're gonna have Other Plans.

t ka-POW

Were it only that simple. However, as a married person with a small child and both families within spitting distance, let me assure you, it's not.

I want to remind you that there's a tradeoff here. Families that are short distances away can babysit and do other nice things, at the cost of enduring your parents being in the neighborhood. Families that are long distances away aren't present to tell you what a horrible parent or person you are, but once a year you have to deal with airports, insensitive assholes who don't want "screaming babies" on their flights, changing diapers in bathrooms, and 5-7 days of super-concentrated parental crap.

There are so many times I'd like to drop Annabel off at one of her grandmother's houses for the evening, but that's hard to do with the closest one being two flights and 2000 miles away.

I don't have to find Public Enemy this year...some lovely people made me discs with Marvin Gaye and Curtis Mayfield and etc.

Oh yeah, I could make you a soul xmas mix easily too.

ka-POW

I knew it.

Nora, insent.

{{{vw}}} and {{{Gud}}}

I'm a bit more mellow about holidays than I have been in the past. With my folks in their late 70s there's a bit of an enjoy-them-while-they-last vibe about them these days. It helps that I'm single and have no kids, so I don't have to juggle multiple family demands.

But I am looking forward to the day when I have a place of my own with guest space. Then I can say, "I'll be spending Christmas/Thanksgiving/Easter at home this year. And you, my beloved [familial title here] are welcome to join me."

It will certainly beat sleeping on the couch at my parents'.

I want to remind you that there's a tradeoff here.

Sounds like you guys have the worst of both worlds. No local grandparental help, but still all the holiday travel. Yeesh.

I don't understand why people feel oppressed by the holidays. Reject the shit you don't like, and do the shit you do like.

I wish I could take this excellent advice, in the positive spirit in which I know it was intended. I've pared down my christmas activity, right down to: fly to my family Christmas eve, spend two weeks with them, fly back. It was better when they lived nearby and I was only obliged to spend a few days on "official" activity. But then I had the shield of the spouse and her own obligations too. Let me say, I do enjoy the family get-together and the goodwill to all humankind part (people being a little less guarded for a few days is nice). The commercialization bombardment really irks me and christmas music outside of actual humans performing it for their own joy grates on me. When my folks lived here in the middle, we used to go and get a tree together, that sort of stuff.