kashi:

we were talking about BYOB and potluck vs. having a cover charge

But what I'm saying is that the practice of just bringing stuff for your host (which is what I was talking about from the start, hence the mention of flowers) is SOP enough that it doesn't twig me, and I was extrapolating that to it not affecting my expectations of the party.

I only bring host gifts for housewarmings or otherwise New stuff. Or if I'm imposing. It'd never occur to me otherwise.

Likewise. Gifts are for housewarmings, showers, weddings and birthdays. The rest of the time I may bring something to share (and will definitely if requested) but not a gift. I wouldn't even know what to give in those situations, as I don't drink wine and have no clue as to what would be good and what's just rancid grape remains.

Hell, it was only recently I figured out I needed to tip the shampoo person.

Huh. Of course, in the rare instances I've been to a place where they washed my hair, it was done by the stylist.

I am random and erratic. And also don't expect or want gifts from guests.

Neither do I. I always specify "no gifts" on the invitations for any parties I throw. Having people I like at my parties is enough of a "gift" to me.

Different currencies, I suppose. I've never been to a party with a cover charge, not a private one.

I would have been fine with a pot-luck, I'm used to those. But asking for cash, I dunno. Bothers me.

I'll probably go: the hostess is my former boss and a good friend. I'm just vaguely freaked, especially since I'm already having to get in costume for the thing. Bah. Perhaps I am just anti-social.

But what I'm saying is that the practice of just bringing stuff for your host (which is what I was talking about from the start, hence the mention of flowers) is SOP enough that it doesn't twig me, and I was extrapolating that to it not affecting my expectations of the party.

Ah. I don't know. I think bringing a gift versus "You have to pay me $10 to walk through this door" are completely different vibes, even if gift could concievably cost more than the cover charge. But I think it's just a matter of different social conventions, as I've yet to be invited to a party where (barring the previously mentioned special occaisions) gifting the host or paying to get in was SOP.

And now I'm off to the city to see some actors perform 30 plays in 60 minutes. I'm curious how many of them will involve "Fitzmas". I'm willing to bet at least one, though I'll die if they actually use the term.

I'm wondering if it's more normal in black circles, or Jamaican ones, or what. It surprises me that it's a deal for anyone, and I'm wondering where I got this acculturation.

I had a friend who had a party that she charged for. She and her housemates basically needed to raise some cash. It was pretty expensive and open to anyone who found out about it. Fortunately the cops didn't, or at least didn't care. Knowing her, I'm sure that the party was great, but more than slightly illegal as they were flaunting liquor laws and I'm fairly certain there were some substances around that are illegal in any circumstance, at least in this country. Not that I'm in any way implying that this would be the case for the party in question here. But given that this was the only fee-based party I had heard of before, initially my thought was ew!spam. It sounds like this party will be much nicer!

I've seen mentions in books (fiction and etiquette) and in movies and TV about hostess gifts for parties. Miss Manners advises to err on the side of not bringing a gift, because that's one more thing that the host/ess has to deal with, especially when the giver expects the gift (flowers or wine or what-have-you) to be incorporated in the event.

I was not raised in a world that gave dinner parties--or at least, was never invited--so I am completely unindoctrinated on such etiquette.

I've been invited to parties that involved charges by friendly acquaintances who work in a restaurant ($100 a plate? Wow.... thanks for thinking of me, really), but I've never encountered it for a party in a private home.

Has anyone here ever used Expedia to buy tickets? Ten days ago, I bought my ticket to NY on American Airlines via Expedia, and the service charge (charged by expedia) has shown up on my credit card statement, but the actual ticket (charged by AA) has not. My big worry is that in the meantime, I got a new credit card, so I am worried that when AA try to actually charge me for my ticket, it won't go through and I will be screwed.

My itinerary on Expedia is confirming the ticket purchase by AA, but where's the charge?

I have. If there's too much lag time before the tickets arrive, I'd print out the confirmation e-mail from Expedia and take it to the airport just in case.

In my (limited, white, american Middle Atlantic) experience, only college students who can't BYOB have cover charges for a party. So a cast party with my students might have a charge, because there are plenty of people not over 21 who need the booze purchased for them, but a party with my colleagues would either have the host (or the theatre department) paying for the party, or ask us all to bring a 6 pack or abottle of wine.

Ball’s series is based on the series of novels by Charlaine Harris.

not crazy about the books.