Gud, you have exceptional children.

Some of it is just good strategy, they broke the door stops and this resulted eventually in holes from doorknobs. Another hole was the result of my daughter convincing my son that sheetrock is good to eat.

I broke a window once, trying to kill a bug. My folks were pretty understanding.

Oh, I forgot about the windows. Did I mention that two walls of the livingroom were made up of huge 4x3 foot panels of glass? And one wall faced the driveway, where we'd play basketball/soccer/softball?

I got good at replacing them.

I am always amazed at the fact the people can let thier cats do that much damage . Deb has bunches of cats. and yes, they did some damage - but nothing like that. and they have been slowly changing things so it is harder for the cats to do lasting damage. and my friend with 6 cans and a bulldog puppy - the puppy has done some damage - but not so much that it is crazy making. (well, it is making her crazy, but that is the way of the house proud)

My brother and I were once wrestling on a bed. I ended up with blankets covering my face - I panicked when I thought I couldn't breath. I couldn't get away from my brother, so I bit his finger. He reacted by kicking his foot through the window.

I used to love to play with matches and fireworks, but I'd heard stories about a farm kid my age who accidentially burned down a barn. That scared me so much (I though it'd be terrible to be in that kid's shoes) that I was very carefull with my pyromania.

My dog has an obsession with pulling the carpeting up in one corner of one of the bedroom closets. Weirdo. It's part of some nesting behavior or something. But it doesn't damage the carpet any, I'll just have to pat it back into place when I go.

My downstairs neighbor has to keep her front window closed or the cat comes up to the screen and takes a dump through it. Which isn't exactly trashing the apartment, but doesn't sow joy among the neighbors.

I'm thinking this could be cured pretty quickly with a nice dose of pepper spray in mid-dump.

Another hole was the result of my daughter convincing my son that sheetrock is good to eat.

I'm impressed. salesman of the world take note: you got nothing on this girl.

My cats have also mostly destroyed furniture.

Though recently they tore up a bit of carpet trying to get to a rodent in the walls. However, the carpeet is ancient, and I've been hoping it woudl get replaced for some time now...

Selections from this week's Onion:

Notre Dame Football Announces Improvements To Its Storied History

Queer Eye Team Denounces Recent Wave Of Vigilante Homosexual Makeover Groups

The Onion Review of the 2005 Baseball Season -- "June 2: Mariners announcer Dave Niehaus achieves national popularity with his new home run call, 'Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck -- aww fuck! We lose again!'"