Someone probably posted this already, but, as I posted on my blog, I stole this link from the inimitably wonderful Maud Newton. I hope it brings as much pleasure to y'all as it did to me.

Excerpt:

For starters, I have watched your goings-on for some time now. The fin de siecle appearance of your administration, especially after the rampant degeneracy of that satyr Clinton and his panting ilk, was a most welcome disruption of the general malaise of things. You effected revolutionary and deleterious change on the rosy status quo. How I hated that corrupt, fallen status quo. (Incidentally, this falls rather in line with a scheme I posited—which you no doubt have noticed in your readings—wherein pederasts and degenerates would be encouraged to gain high office—the presidency, perhaps—which station they would then neglect as they attended to their sexual and narcotic appetites. There would be no more war, because there would be no one to start the wars—everyone flitting off to parties and such. Your scheme, however, one of sustained, systemic breakdown, appears to be the work of quiet genius, even if it has had the regretful, short-term effect of increasing the incidence of war.)

You stemmed this people’s lemming-like rush after prosperity, you marshaled lagging school children, and you brought zealous religiosity again to the national discourse. You rebuked the Old World! You felled Babylon the Great! (The lazy asses, the picayune media [those bankrupt souls], might raise captious and frivolous objections to these deeds, but, Sir, say to you [as even God himself might say]: WELL DONE.)

...

In the meantime, Mr. President, I offer you my jubilant, shining hand of friendship. Together, liveried in the costly apparel of high station, and much as Joseph of Egypt and his trusty servant boy, Tut-tut, long ago once did do, we shall step down from our aerie to bid Louisiana and parts of Mississippi gather at our feet. We shall tell them to rise up and thrive! Be industrious! And they shall do so, and be so.

So long, Big Pardner (a little Texan, in honor of your noble heritage)!

Yours most ardently,

Ignatius J. Reilly

Oh, wow! I just did! I do origami, and I'm making that one. Thanks for that, it is bookmarked.

Sweet. I just skipped 150-some posts and then got this post at the top of my screen. Well-timed, Mr. tea!

I am happy. I just got a new 0% credit card(chase with points). Rolled over one balance to that one(capital one). Then rolled over my old Chase card (no points) to my Capital One which is running a 0% on transfers and also gives me points. WHEEE! I think I might be able to get my Holiday ticket home for free this year.

One question remains: what then happened to the phone? ...Its owner subsequently accepted it back.

OH, HELL NO! I'm taking that as a loss.

I've been running non-stop from 11am to now. Missed the afternoon. But damnit, why didn't I know about the Email Bunny BEFORE my birthday? And how do I convince Corporate Express to carry it?

In the Like You Care Department, with 11 days to go in the fantasy baseball season I have officially locked up at least a 5th place finish, my best finish since 2001. I will win money! Not all that much, but I WIN MONEY!

Well, my eyes are not defective. Since I have not had a physical in ages, I need to have one to rule out a thyroid problem, diabetes, etc. The Doc. said it was probably stress-related. He also said that I should rest my eyes for a few minutes every hour when I'm working on a computer (he mentioned the California law that guarantees this).

No, see, I don't even want to talk to the people whose names were in my address book that was in the phone that was up someone's ass.

"The way your daddy looked at it, this cell phone was your birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this cell phone up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the cell phone. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the cell phone to you."

He also said that I should rest my eyes for a few minutes every hour when I'm working on a computer

Something I constantly nag Pete about.

And on a complete tangent, tommyrot, what is your tagline from?

When should I start being horribly jealous of Allyson, Kristen et al does the Firefly premiere start?

wow. New Natter. You folks sure can talk.