"Entertainment Tonight" has a statement from Nick Lachey's people saying that it is not true he and Jessice are breaking up.

I wonder if they have a template now for these releases now.

"The article in *NEWS_SOURCE* is (wholly|blatantly|categorically) false. Jessica and I remain (happily|committedly|legally) married and are not splitting up (ever|this week|until the notary comes back from vacation). *JESSICA_FAMILY_MEMBER* is not causing any tension between us, and it is (patently|categorically|mostly) false that I was seen (talking|kissing|having sex with|buying a new convection oven with) *SOME_CELEBRITY_ONLY_TEENS_OR_US_MAGAZINE_READERS_HAVE_HEARD_OF*."

So fornication is OK in Scientology? Huh. They should maybe promote that more, instead of the holding on to metal rods part.

In other news, ARGH ARGH ARGH. I didn't pass the Millionaire test, which just OFFENDS me, and then I realized I forgot my jump drive at home, so I had to come back here rather than go watch the stupid movie, and now I'll never have time, and I just don't give a shit. I am super annoyed right now.

Have you checked to see if there's a sign taped to your back? This happens far too often to you.

I'm doomed to be hassled by Interpol, Evangelists, and chummy businessmen in coach.

I'm seeing a hot Conversion Game, and Shrift as an upper level.

I see. So it's sort of like the FBI's Most Wanted list. Heaven Watch!

How did you refrain from saying, "Jehovah comes by here regularly. Why would I go through you?"

Dude, if only Jehovah had clomped up and shouted, "GOOD MORNING! I AM JEHOVAH!" I would have pissed my pants.

Actually, you should have told her that Jesus looks like French-Canadian actor Roy Dupuis.

I now have oranga mango sparkling spring water in my nasal cavity, thank you very much.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting.

Ack. Clearly they had to do something to trump the Britney sex tape and the Paris/Man Paris breakup.

It's too bad that Aquaman doesn't have a theme song.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting.

I'm calling the Apocalypse!

It's too bad that Aquaman doesn't have a theme song.

Begs the question, why didn't they go for the Flipper theme?

You know, I just saw a picture of TomKat and wondered if I saw a bump. Then I discarded the idea as icky.

These numbers the guy gave me make no sense. Do I assume mine are right and he doesn't know jack, or that he thought of something I'm forgetting?

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting.

Ew. Ew. EWWWWWWWWW.

I feel dirty for knowing that. I need a shower. And some bleach.

Jesse, I think you might want to follow bon bon's advice as well.

It's very all purpose advice.

Dude, if only Jehovah had clomped up and shouted, "GOOD MORNING! I AM JEHOVAH!" I would have pissed my pants.

Well, yeah. I actually have some sympathy for the woman for her social awkwardness. She's likely completely sincere in her beliefs, but seems to be using an uncomfortable method of sharing them.

Mind you, I don't have as much sympathy for her as I have for you. I dn't know your religious inclinations if any, but I share hers, and would still be so completely put-off and uncomfortable if a stranger asked me to pray with her on the street.