But it looms before me as a specter of failure and fear.

You're looking at it all wrong. It's an opportunity for vodka tonics and interesting adventures. Fabulous mistakes and new lovers. Books yet to be read. Travel. It's an opportunity to come to San Francisco.

See? So much better when you look at it my way. Put your way down and look at it my way. It'll make you happier, and it's probably more accurate.

SA, it will be fine. Hec's way is a good way to look at it.

... and I'm about to send you e-mail. About Stuff.

It's an opportunity for vodka tonics and interesting adventures. Fabulous mistakes and new lovers. Books yet to be read. Travel. It's an opportunity to come to San Francisco.

That is to say, the time to do all of these things... and none of the money necessary to do any of them.

(Well, the lovers, maybe.)

you can get books for free from the library...

I am reading the Wikipedia page of Simpson neologisms and am giggly thinking about floor pie.

[link]

Nah. It's a specter of "now what?". Totally different vibe from failure. Although the fear is quite understandable.

It feels like fear. Mixed with dread. With a dash of bitter.

Well, that's a sucky cocktail.

Also, DO NOT listen to the silly people who tell you to go straight into grad school.

I...probably won't. If nothing else I'd take a year off, but ideally I'll go do something abroad for a couple years and then come back to do the thing. I don't think I could handle another commitment of years to a school.

working at Victoria's Secret now. Where I thought they required you to wear Way Too Much Makeup, but maybe that's just been the personal choice of everyone I've seen working there.

No, they do make you wear make up. A friend is a store manager there--she doesn't wear makeup regularly, but she has to put in on whenever she goes in, and she hates it.

You're looking at it all wrong. It's an opportunity for vodka tonics and interesting adventures. Fabulous mistakes and new lovers. Books yet to be read. Travel. It's an opportunity to come to San Francisco.

Okay, well, your way is better. But it's really hard to shift over there. I, um, wasn't accepted to one of the things I applied for, and I think it's crushed my optimism a little. I mean, there are a million things out there, and most of this is just getting the breaks at this point in time. I just have this Huge Overriding Fear that I will get none of the breaks.

and I'm about to send you e-mail. About Stuff.

I look forward to it.

That is to say, the time to do all of these things... and none of the money necessary to do any of them.

heh. So true.

Also, DO NOT listen to the silly people who tell you to go straight into grad school.

Standing. Right. Here.

But it was the right thing for me, not the right thing for everyone.

Just had a speech therapist visit. Aidan was a total prat, with lots of shouting and kicking; and Kara kept rooting in the woman's bag, swiping stuff, and shouting in the therapist's face. Not one of our stellar events.

But it was the right thing for me, not the right thing for everyone.

It is an option, shall we say. But I'm not sure I could do more school. Right now.

Eugh, Deena. Sounds like you all need a chill.

SA! Loved your recent pictures, btw.

Here's my biggest problem with that breastmilk page. Who has enough extra to cook with it?!?

That is not even close to my biggest problem with it.

Aidan was a total prat, with lots of shouting and kicking; and Kara kept rooting in the woman's bag, swiping stuff, and shouting in the therapist's face. Not one of our stellar events.

I think you should go to grad school. Or they should.

Where I thought they required you to wear Way Too Much Makeup, but maybe that's just been the personal choice of everyone I've seen working there.

Then, I think it is good that sj is going to work there, to show them the error of their ways for I've never seen her wear too much make-up. The thing she does do is wear just enough to emphasize her best points, a tactic that is obviously underused by the other employees of VS.

I'm home. I'm vegging. I may even sleep soon. No energy, no motivation and the brain just wants to jump from point to point and it's driving me nutsy-cuckoo. This is what happens when allergic reactions force you to go off your anti-depressants. Urk.