I wouldn't force feed the soiled diapers to the dh, primarily because that would make me sick.

I just wanted one day where I woke up when I was done sleeping, rather than on babytime, so that I didn't spend the whole day thinking about how I could get more sleep.

Naturally, DH's version of watching the baby involved leaving him in the playpan, unchanged, by himself, so that he cried until I got up.

I really didn't want to turn into one of "those mothers" who doesn't let the father near the kid, but I may be on that path this morning.

Oh, does he live, still (the dh, that is)? I know it is too late for this morning, but I recommend giving some tough love for your dh--applied in the form of you taking off (cheerfully, for "errands") for a better part of the day so that he has to parent Mal, because he has no other choice.

Ooooh, good idea, Cindy - much better than mine as it can't be mistaken for domestic violence.

I really didn't want to turn into one of "those mothers" who doesn't let the father near the kid, but I may be on that path this morning.

Poor Raq. I do remember the sleep dep days so well. (probably repeated story follows) When Bobby was just a few months old he was inconsolable and I was more than exhausted. DH insisted that I needed to sleep and took the baby from me. After listening to the baby cry forever I gave up and went into the bedroom to check on them. DH was snoring fast asleep with Bobby sitting on his chest wailing.

The good news is that DH has grown to be the best father evah and I don't hesitate to leave him in charge for long periods of time. This is how I have managed to go away for weekend visits with Buffistas.

cold pizza:

It is a lovely thing that he understands my need to run away for the weekend from time to time. Overall I do much more of the daily childcare stuff.

I really didn't want to turn into one of "those mothers" who doesn't let the father near the kid, but I may be on that path this morning.

Poor Raq.

Time for the "Mal waking me up anyway is not you watching Mal" chat. One of those annoingly obvious things you need to explain anyway -- I SUCK at those.

DH was snoring fast asleep with Bobby sitting on his chest wailing.

BWAH!

DH still lives. He was "working." Yeah, I feel his pain.

I tried the going-out passive style of making him take care of Mallory. I left first thing on a Saturday morning and returned around noon. Mallory had had 4 oz of milk ("He wouldn't eat any more"), had not been changed from his overnight diaper, was still in his pajamas, and hadn't taken a nap. DH was a bit frazzled by M's whining/fussing, and had retreated to the back room.

We had "the talk."

Now he's very conscientious about saying "Do you think he's ready for a nap?" or "Do you think he's ready for food?" but...you know, I think part of the problem is that when we got our cat, lo these 13 years ago, the deal was that I could get a cat if I did all the cat chores, like feeding him and changing the box. That probably set a bad precedent.

Conciencious about fine points is good -- but dirty crying baby is a pretty clear signal for what needs to change. I mean, if he'd TRIED clean 'em and feed 'em and Mal was still howling that would be different.

Silly husband. Change the baby.

I know. It boggles me. I'm still trying to get through to him why I was crabby about this morning. I mean, he was already up, and as far as I could tell, just dinking on the computer. And I gave him a chance to say "No, I can't watch him."

Ah well, c'est la guerre.

Raq--Can you reveal to him that one learns how to parent by just, well, trying stuff until something works? Give him a template for what to do--first, check diaper, then try distracting, then feed (or whathever order you do things in). Tell him it's his job to keep trying approaches until something works.

I'm giving thanks right now for Christopher. He may not do everything exactly like I would but he's right on top of giving me as much of a break as he can between working and studying for his actuarial exam.

He may feed the kid string cheese and cheerios for breakfast and Owen may be in mismatched pj tops & bottoms when I wake up (from a nap or on a weekend morning), but the diaper is usually* usually a fresh one.

And it's been a really tough few days, too, since O has thrown off his sleeping schedule and is waking a few times at night and has woken for good around 5 a.m. EVERY FREAKIN' MORNING.

• I say usually because DH does kind of have a handicap with smelling poopy diapers. But he changes them when he does figure it out.