Mapquesty-type baffled befuddlement question:

A couple of weeks ago I found an alternate route from Chez Zmayhem to the Faire site down in Hollister, on a slightly twistier but much prettier and less trafficky freeway that runs parallel to the big depressing ugly one I'd been using before. I stupidly never checked the odometer during the drive, so I'm not sure exactly how different the actual mileage is (prolly longer, though the time is just about the same, as Pretty!Road is inexplicably much less crowded and much zippier than Ugly!Hag!Megafreeway).

I seem to recall that back in the dawn of time, Mapquest and Yahoo Maps would let you check alternate routes - they'd give you the straightest path between points A and B, then let you plot out an alternate if you wanted. And now I can't find that feature anywhere there or on any map site I go to. I just wanna find out how many miles it is from Zmayhem to Hollister by way of Pretty!Road, but no map or driving directions site seems to let me do it, and I can't hit on the right combination of search terms to get Google to help me either.

This is possibly the most trivial and stupid problem ever, but I'm in a mood to be disproportionately irritated by, well, everything. Any help would be so much appreciated.

Nutty, soccer players don't usually wear cups. The restriction of movement isn't worth the very occasional risk.

Right, which is why whenever you see male soccer players forming a defensive wall in front of a direct kick, the smart ones will all have their hands positioned directly in front of their groins.

No sir, that's tough. He's a professional athlete. If he can play, he should be out there.

While I respectfully disagree with you on that one, I can't help but notice that my point about TOTALLY EFFED UP PRIORITIES remains unchallenged.

If any part of my body has a three inch gash in it, never mind the genitals, which are loaded with (generally happy) nerve endings, I actually can't play. Anything.

Stands behind Sean.

I can't hit on the right combination of search terms to get Google to help me either.

I'm pretty sure you can't do that.

I remember the SCA fighter practice where my husband went up against the King in a sparring practice. The King, being a really good fighter (which is how he got to be King), had let his own beliefs about his skills lull him into neglected an important piece of armor. Hubby is a left-hander with nearly 30 years experience, and King Brion didn't have oodles of experience against lefties. Hubby swung, and King Brion squeaked and did his best curling bacon imitation on the floor.

Everyone was horrified--"He clocked the King!". The Queen stomped over. It takes a lot for Queen Anna to stomp, because she's a very tiny woman. She glared down at her husband.

"You didn't put your cup in, did you."
A very faint "no".
"You didn't think Dragan (hubby) would get a shot in on you, did you."
weak head shake
She kicked him in his armored butt. "Idiot. I want kids someday, you know." As she stomped away she yelled, "Someone get our stupid King off the floor!"

Hubby helped, and Brion thanked him for not laughing.

I'm pretty sure you can't do that.

Wait. Didn't someone post an online pedometer recently? I'll bet you could do it with that.

Nutty, soccer players don't usually wear cups.

Right, which is why that subordinate clause about people who are insane.

While I respectfully disagree with you on that one, I can't help but notice that my point about TOTALLY EFFED UP PRIORITIES remains unchallenged.

Since you currently have a non-excretory todger purpose, of course you would take that position. [insert winky here] Well, the thing is, the thing is already injured. What's he going to do, make an appointment with his plastic surgeon? Get out there and do your job! (His team won after he scored a goal, post-injury)

I seem to recall that back in the dawn of time, Mapquest and Yahoo Maps would let you check alternate routes - they'd give you the straightest path between points A and B, then let you plot out an alternate if you wanted. And now I can't find that feature anywhere there or on any map site I go to.

Try expedia.com's map page. I believe they still let you select from shortest by mileage, quickest, and, possibly, senic.

Well, the thing is, the thing is already injured. What's he going to do, make an appointment with his plastic surgeon?

Lying on the ground and bleeding heavily seems a perfectly appropriate response to me.