I'm pretty sure you can't do that.

Wait. Didn't someone post an online pedometer recently? I'll bet you could do it with that.

Nutty, soccer players don't usually wear cups.

Right, which is why that subordinate clause about people who are insane.

While I respectfully disagree with you on that one, I can't help but notice that my point about TOTALLY EFFED UP PRIORITIES remains unchallenged.

Since you currently have a non-excretory todger purpose, of course you would take that position. [insert winky here] Well, the thing is, the thing is already injured. What's he going to do, make an appointment with his plastic surgeon? Get out there and do your job! (His team won after he scored a goal, post-injury)

I seem to recall that back in the dawn of time, Mapquest and Yahoo Maps would let you check alternate routes - they'd give you the straightest path between points A and B, then let you plot out an alternate if you wanted. And now I can't find that feature anywhere there or on any map site I go to.

Try expedia.com's map page. I believe they still let you select from shortest by mileage, quickest, and, possibly, senic.

Well, the thing is, the thing is already injured. What's he going to do, make an appointment with his plastic surgeon?

Lying on the ground and bleeding heavily seems a perfectly appropriate response to me.

Okay, now I've got that "Badger Badger Badger" thing with "Todger Todger Todger"...

What's he going to do, make an appointment with his plastic surgeon?

What Betsy said...

Reminds me of the Welsh soccer fan who cut off his own testicle and then walked to the local pub to show it off.

Ouch. I know Welshmen are pretty crazy. But the ones I know personally seem more attached to their balls than that.

Right, which is why whenever you see male soccer players forming a defensive wall in front of a direct kick, the smart ones will all have their hands positioned directly in front of their groins.

Completely legal (and recommended).

If any part of my body has a three inch gash in it, never mind the genitals, which are loaded with (generally happy) nerve endings, I actually can't play. Anything.

In a 30-year soccer career, I probably got kicked in the groin hundreds of times. Luckily, no wounds. However, I got up and played on from far worse injuries than an incidental boot to the bag. I believe a professional athlete would be more highly motivated to continue playing if capable.

"You didn't put your cup in, did you."

Cup is not optional equipment in SCA fighting by regulation and by psychiatric assessment. I've forgotten mine once. Once.

Right, which is why that subordinate clause about people who are insane.

It really isn't necessary. Hundreds of professional games are played every week and every 5-10 years or so, one story comes along to make everyone go "ook".

Okay, now I've got that "Badger Badger Badger" thing with "Todger Todger Todger"...

flea is being very bad for my ability to not snort coffee loudly at work today.