I think kneadability/sandwichability are key to breadiness. Banana/zuchini/soda bread are merely linguistic anomalies not pertinent to the definition of bread.

Banana/zuchini/soda bread are merely linguistic anomalies not pertinent to the definition of bread.

And yet tasty!

But what about biscuits and scones? Count or not?

Oh, and everyone must read this Onion column, because it is the funniest thing ever in the whole world.

Hey, You Got Something To Eat?
By A Goat

Come on, what you got? I just want to know. I don't have to eat it. I'm just curious. In truth, there's a good possibility I'll eat it. But still. I want to know. If you got just a morsel of anything, I'd be obliged. If I knew you were good for a scrap once in a while, I'd probably come back to you for more food sometimes. You wouldn't mind that. Of course not. You're my buddy. The food-giver. That's what I'd call ya.

I bet you got a nice pant leg. Lemme chew a hole in it. I could chew it until you yanked it out of my mouth. If you don't mind. I'm telling you, I could use a little something to chomp on. I could wait, but what have you got? I don't care very much one way or the other. Come on, give me a break over here. I just want something to nibble on.

Hey! What's down there? A piece of bread? Let's see what we got. No... No, this is a rock. I'm not going to eat a rock. What do you think, I'm crazy?

You keeping a sandwich in your pocket for later? I'd be happy to eat it for you now. You don't even have to take it out of the bag. I'll eat the plastic and everything. Or tinfoil. Don't make no never mind to me. Do you got anything that I could put in my mouth for just a minute or two? Lemme know. I'll take it off your hands. No worries.

But what about biscuits and scones? Count or not?

Can't they just be their own thing? Do all baked goods have to fall into either the bread or cake categories? That seems limiting to me.

In my own personal recipe book, Jessica, there are two categories: salty and sweet.

So what do I know? Not much, clearly.

But you've left out two of the four major food groups -- crunchy and chocolate!

I think biscuits should be salty and served with butter, and scones should be sweet and served with clotted cream. And neither is quite bread or cake.

chocolate is under the Sweet category. And crunchy, most often, is salty, but can be sweet, depending.

So, see, biscuits would be in salty and scones would be in sweet.

I read where Heath Ledger said making out with Jake Gyllenhal wasn't that much fun.

Maybe for HIM. But I'M certainly going to enjoy it.

Amen. He still owes me for that crappy The Order movie, and I can't think of a better way for him to repay the debt than by slipping some tongue to Jake Gyllenhaal.

I categorize my food just like that. The Salt and Sweet Divide.

And salt and sweet shouldn't mix, with a very few exceptions, and I've only come to those in the last couple of years. And can't think of a single one right now.

I generally think nothing should be in the sweet category, and that things unavoidably in that category should endeavor to be as savory as possible anyway to serve my oddball anti-sugar tastes.

So chocolate? No sweeter than is absolutely necessary for out of hand eating, and even less so for cooking with.