Couldn't Zito go beat the crap out of the coach? I think that would be excellent.

As Nutty notes, he would be better off throwing a fastball at the guy's head. Though for that particular game, I'd prefer Rich Harden.

There was that dude this spring, who went on the DL due to falling down the stairs while carrying in his groceries,

As it later came out, he was actually carrying a whole side of venison, not just groceries.

but I think David Wells's near-wrist-amputation by wine glass and Sammy Sosa's back-strain by sneeze take the cake for bizarre off-field injuries.

Those are good, but I'm still fond of Wade Boggs hurting his back while taking off his cowboy boots. Baseball generates a plethora of weird off-field injuries.

I'm still fond of Wade Boggs hurting his back while taking off his cowboy boots.

And Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw....

No, wait. I'm thinking of the Simpsons.

In typical post-and-run fashion, I present to you serious-conversation-havers: A thirteen pound gummy bear.

a whole side of venison, not just groceries.

You could buy a side of venison at the grocery store. Er, the really back-country Sam's Club, right? They probably sell quail by the dozen, freeze-dried in little single-use packs!

Flatmate and I were talking injuries last night during the game. She was indignantly remembering that, when our catcher broke his elbow (and nearly ended his career with the resulting nerve damage) in 2001, he was dashing for a foul pop-up in a game they were winning, 11-1. She was all, Dude, relax, it is 11-1. (And I think it was in Kansas City, which is like 22-1 elsewhere.)

In open competition with Tommyrot's link proving that humans really really suck, I would like to offer this as evidence that being an asshole can cross over into the banality of evil:

Oh my word. That baseball coach is practically straight out of that Buffy episode--Nightmares. Only worse.

But with less water in the tank it might have difficulties at times....

That has occurred to me. As long as that's as, um, big as the problem gets...

I'm going away for a few days and a friend will be here. I don't want her having to wiggle.

There was that dude this spring, who went on the DL due to falling down the stairs while carrying in his groceries,

Clint Barmes, who was at the time the odds on choice for NL rookie of the year.

but I think David Wells's near-wrist-amputation by wine glass and Sammy Sosa's back-strain by sneeze take the cake for bizarre off-field injuries.

Bob Ojeda, who pitched for the Sox and Mets among others, severed a finger tip on his pitching hand with an electric hedge trimmer, one of the many reasons the Mets failed to repeat in 1987. A few years later he was the only survivor of a boating accident that killed two Indians pitchers. (white fonted for the squeamish...) He was literally scalped in the incident.

Sammy Sosa's back-strain by sneeze

Oh, oh - I did that once. Bad pain, worse having to explain it was because I sneezed as I was straightening up getting my purse out of the car. I kept not believing that I could really have hurt myself so much by sneezing. I was wrong.

I also pronounce Raq as rock.

Attack ads against Jesus - comedy gold.

Word.

I will focus on saying Raq as rock.

Also, I went to the diner and cut out the turkey middleman when I saw they had a BLT and avocado wrap. MMMMM. Now I have to do laundry, I guess, but I hate laundry. I also have to call the g.d. bridal store people who sent me the wrong fucking dress.

I will focus on saying Raq as rock.

I hope I didn't come off as preachy...I just sort of started and couldn't stop.

I actually had a long post about why Hillary Clinton should absolutely not run if the Democratic Party knows what's good for it, but it's probably not worth saying. Not here, anyway - maybe I'll write MoveOn.

I already wrote Hillary and Lieberman and asked them to get back to running the country instead of trying to parent other people's children. I mean, honestly. We've got the Rove thing and the war thing, and I don't pay my Congressmen to fuss about computer games. (Of course, neither of them are my Congressmen so I'm sure my letter won't get read.)