Anne, how is your mom doing? Is she back home, yet?

She's back at her place on Martha's Vineyard, and after what happened at the funeral, is very, very tempted to cut ties with large sections of her family. To make a long story short, she tried to quell a niece's drunken drama by quietly asking another wake attendee to take her aside where she wouldn't be in anyone's face (the niece in question had been estranged from her father--my mom's brother--for twenty years, and has only been in contact with him again for the past year), and the niece's father then pitched an hours-long fit about how my mother had insulted his daughter. It just got uglier from there, with people agreeing that niece and brother were being very ill-behaved, but not doing a thing to help my mom (who had also cooked all the food for the funeral). The brother in question has been a thorn in the family's side for years, and has been sponging off family members--generally the ones who can't afford it--for ages. There's more, but just typing it out is raising my blood pressure.

I'm with my parents at their home in New Mexico. before the surgery, the plan was for me to come here until joe gets home. It's still the plan, but the surgery has really changed the dynamic.

I thought I was just asking for clarification on a touchy subject around here (dogs in or out of the house) but my dad's response was "I'm emotionally not myself since the surgery and I can't handle conflict now so do what you want." Sometimes he seems like his normal self, other times he seems really tired, weak, and frail, and other times he seems really manipulative. I just wish I could find it in myself so just do what I need to do to accomodate him. Unfortunately, with Joe gone the last year and with a baby, I don't have the emotional reserves I'm used to.

(waving at vw) Stephanie, I'm sorry. Sounds like an innocent type misunderstanding, though.

Aww, Stephanie, that sounds like stressfulness all around, so sorry.

I have one cake made and frosted, and one cake just out of the oven, cooling. One is for eating tonight, with friends, one for bringing to work tomorrow (along with any of tonight's leftovers). Have cleaned livingroom and bathroom. Friends should be over shortly, dinner is also being brought (goat curry!)

But see, I'm so perfectionist/Virgo. When I started cleaning my livingroom/kitchen, what was the first things I did, pick up the mess? Take out the trash? No. I ended up going through my fridge and then cleaning my trashcan. This is not a terribly efficient method of cleaning. Especially when half the time I start doing shit like that but don't manage to finish the important parts...

That stuff's important, too! Just not so much for the having people over.

I have a cake baking, as well. Actually, I'm mostly procrastinating from studying for my exam tomorrow.

agghh. can't type mis typed stuff to Perkins - so it bounced back

very tired. walked with two puppies the distance that I would do in 30-40 min round trip. many hours later.. puppies were very tired. me too. and my sister too.

Susan, how is your family?

It's been a few days since I talked to Mom. She's grieving deeply, as you'd expect, but it sounds like the friends and family who live nearby are looking in on her, and that she's planning to stay busy once she's had time to recover a bit--do some volunteer work, finally take a computer class, etc.

I'm doing OK. Most of the time everything seems normal, though I think of Dad frequently and am more aware of my own mortality than normal. And I feel a certain resentment of really long-lived people. Stories of people publishing their first books at 80 or celebrating their 100th birthdays at the ballpark seem more unfair than heartwarming. (Not that I claim this is a right or rational reaction. It just is.)

{{{Susan}}}

I know just what you mean, Susan. My mother passed away at 78 and I felt so cheated because all the grandparents and greats lasted into their 80s and 90s. I felt my mother should have gotten at least that long too. But, as you say, not rational. Now, I'm just so glad I had my mother the time I did.

Unlike meara, and Debet, I have no cake. Enough said about that.

Anne, I am gobsmacked at the stuff your mother had to put up with. I hope she's getting some peace, now.

And I'm right with you, Susan and Sail. My dad was just a month shy of 75. It might not be rational, right or whatever, but it is there, and it just is what it is, I think.

I'm glad your mom has some plans. My mother was careful to stay active. It doesn't fix anything, but I think it's a good preventative, if that makes any sense.