But, maggots in my apartment? I wouldn't be home. I'd be OUT OF THERE.

She has to wait for the exterminators.

It sounds like she's this close to a total freak-out.

Well, yeah. Maggots, flies, Dead Guy . . . I'd be in a corner (not a corner in that house) rocking back and forth, pouring rubbing alcohol over my head.

She has to wait for the exterminators.

Ew.

And the A/C should be off, to avoid bringing more in.

Which causes its own problems.

Just, ew all around.

I promise.

I am holding you to this promise, Nicole.

sj, better to try than not try at all. And we'll all be here to hold your hand whenever you need it.

Thank you.

There have been a couple of tricks that have worked for me to some extent, sj (I am fighting anxiety, myself). One way is to try to see the anxiety as the same sort of feeling I would get before I went on stage (I did some singing and acting in high school and college, if you've never been on stage, this might not be useful to you). That's the sort of thing that energizes a performance, so when I'm going somewhere and start to get that "Oh I'm dying, really, I need to curl up in a ball" feeling, I've started to treat it the way I used to treat pre-appearance jitters--as something that was going to make me more alert and energetic.

This is kind of brilliant. I will have to try it. Thank you.

I am trying to remind myself of all the ways my life is different now than any other time I was in school: Before I was living at home, which meant there was constant noise and interruption to studying. Now I live alone, and if Teacup Guy is here I know I can say "I have to write a paper/study please go do something quiet in the other room," and he will understand, respect, and honor that request. I didn't have Dave in my life last time I was in school, and his support in my life is immeasurable. Before I wasn't in therapy or on antidepressants. The antidepressants help with the anxiety and I know I can e-mail my therapist in between visits and he will be there to help. And lastly, but of great importance, I didn't know about the buffistas when I was in school before, and it should be very helpful to have a wonderful group of people for support, proofreading, reality checks, and the occasional ass-kicking. Love you guys.

What did you buy yourself this morning, Sparky?

{{sj}} I hope your nerves turn into excited anticipation!

brenda, EW! Just... EW!!

What did you buy yourself this morning, Sparky?

I bought my hubby and I tickets to New Zealand in November for my cousin's wedding. I'm so excited!! But my credit card melted.

I bought my hubby and I tickets to New Zealand in November for my cousin's wedding. I'm so excited!!

Yay!!! That certainly sounds worth melting a credit card.

Ew! Brenda's boss is living in a CSI ep! Ew, ew!

I'd like to be the Nine of Pentacles, if I may. I may borrow one of Kenny Parker's smaller raptors to complete my pose.

I would pay good money to see that.

Well, see, since you said you wanted to be Death, and the figure on the Death card often "rides a pale horse", I had this whole vision of you as Gaiman's Death, but on a white horse and unclothed, a la Lady Godiva.

as he sees me.

I'm sorry if I seemed insensitive. I do understand your issues. I was just hoping to be blithe and cheery and distract you thereby. I think you're wise to be aware of it, but I'd caution against letting it sabotage new efforts. Self-doubt gets me more often than over-reaching does, and I was transferring my experience to you. Sorry.

Or,

I understand about being nervous, sj, but you're bright and talented and know you have to keep an eye on your tendency towards depression. Plus, you have teacup-guy (and us) to hold onto.

What Ginger Said.

sj, I'm so glad you have us and Dave and that you're doing the school thing again. That's fantastic.

I had this whole vision of you as Gaiman's Death, but on a white horse and unclothed, a la Lady Godiva.

Heh. Only if I get to wear the wig I wore for this shoot

I bought my hubby and I tickets to New Zealand in November for my cousin's wedding.

Awe. Some.