tell your parents that their pulling this sort of thing has ensured you will NEVER move home if there is anything you can do to avoid it
P-C, I'm not going to recommend that you say that (but I'm also not going to recommend not saying it).
What I am going to say is that you're an adult now. You're supporting yourself financially. This gives you power in your relationship with your parents, a lot more than you had as a child. You have the power to control contact, for example.
I'm not saying it's easy. But sometime (when you aren't so stressed out over your parents, and I don't have a memo to get to my boss) I'll tell you about my tangled (lack of) relationship with my parents. For now, I'll just say that the only way they can contact me is by snail mail.
But the decision is yours. Not theirs. Yours. And if they want to try to steamroller you, they now run a real risk of negative consequences for themselves.
The problem is, his mother told the realtor that certain specific things were going to happen without bothering to let P-C know about it.
Absolutely, and I would have thought that overstepping, even if they were paying the rent. I was just nosy about how big of an overstep this was. And, as you say Fred, the point is now moot.
Personally, I think you *should* stay there and be all parent-defying. If you have to take a retail job to pay the rent, so be it, but stay there and tell your parents that their pulling this sort of thing has ensured you will NEVER move home if there is anything you can do to avoid it, including sleeping on friends' couches.
This is what I think too, P-C. You don't have to approach it like a fight with them. You can give them the benefit of the doubt in conversation, by saying something like, "There must have been a miscommunication, mom, I'm not ready to terminate my lease. I thought you just offered to look into the particulars. I've notified the realtor I won't be terminating in August. It's not enough time for me."
But yeah, if you're no longer financially dependent on them, draw a (quiet and gentle if need be) line in the sand, here. Find something to tide you over, even a retail or waiter job, while you're doing your serious job hunting, and start taking possession of your own life. To the extent that they'll hear it, you can say everything to your parents in a friendly manner, "Oh, no thanks. I won't be going on the vacation but thanks for thinking of me," or "On, no thanks. I am going to keep my lease for now, but thanks for your help." You only have to get stompy footed if they issue orders. Otherwise, treat what they "tell" you to do as kindly suggestions that aren't your cup of tea.
How about wearing black jeans and a black tank top and an ankh necklace and eye of horus eyeliner? Is that acceptable?
Don't think I didn't catch that, you sneaky-pants. It is acceptable if worn with Really Big Hair and a perky demeanor.
But yeah, if you're no longer financially dependent on them, draw a (quiet and gentle if need be) line in the sand, here. Find something to tide you over, even a retail or waiter job, while you're doing your serious job hunting, and start taking possession of your own life. To the extent that they'll hear it, you can say everything to your parents in a friendly manner, "Oh, no thanks. I won't be going on the vacation but thanks for thinking of me," or "On, no thanks. I am going to keep my lease for now, but thanks for your help." You only have to get stompy footed if they issue orders. Otherwise, treat what they "tell" you to do as kindly suggestions that aren't your cup of tea.
Cindy is very, very wise, and a heck of a lot more coherent than me. So I'm going to point at what she said and nod a lot.
Cindy, the verbal jujitsu idea is wonderful. (Also, query whether a 2-week vacation is the best thing to do while unemployed and in the middle of a job hunt.)
Shit, the phone is ringing. Here we go.
family vacation
you can't afford it. and having nothing to do with dollars and cents. You need to job hunt. Even if you were moving back with the family. You can't afford to miss an oppertunity.
P-C it is time to make a choice. What role are your parents going to play in your life? You can't change how they behave. they will most likely be exactly as they are today for the rest of your life. So how are you going to behave. Will you give them another chance to help ? How will you react when they get emoional? By gettign emotional? by being sympathtic, yet resolved? By refusing to engage? Where do you want to take this relationship. ( BTW - no instant answers you need to really think about this)
Good luck, P-C!!! Extra hard vibing and punctuation to you right now.
P-C, I am with those that point out that you have a certain amount of control in the relationship with your parents. I sense that you have been avoiding the conflicts with them (e.g. giving your mother the realtor's phone number rather than say, "no") and I think it's time you used the "no" option a lot more frequently. As Cindy pointed out, it doesn't have to be used in a mean way, but can be employed politely. Just don't budge. Good luck!
Cindy, btw, none of my Seattle friends came up with a DO or other doctor for your friends. They are too damn healthy up there. Sorry!
