Does the celebrity have a 100% guarantee of being alive at the end of the rescue? Because otherwise, I am choosing on basis of who would absolutely die to make sure I lived, on the assumption that the other two are waiting in the safe house for hugs and debriefing after.
If you know what I mean.
Clive, please. Oh, please. Hugh in a pinch, but I think being rescued by Viggo would be tedious.
And I will let myself be rescued by Michelle, but can I hold out for, say, Gina Torres? I just think it'd be more fun.
F-Clive. C-Viggo... oh wait. different game.
For some reason I can't pin down, I think Viggo would be most likely to be successful, so I'd go with him.
The pretty set:
1) Orlando Bloom
2) Ewan MacGregor
3) Johnny Depp
The maybe-too-dangerously-insane set:
1) Russell Crowe
2) Colin Farrell
3) Johnny Depp
Hugh. As he carried me off in his arms he'd sing softly in my ear to soothe my troubled soul.
But we don't want any bullet holes in Hugh. That is one of the load-bearing walls on my logical framework, here.
Orlando Bloom should be my prize upon successful return. But I fear I'd end up ... wait, no rescuing him would be fun! No, stick to the question. Johnny, I think, because of the unpredictability. And then Russell Crowe because he's a great big bruiser and he rescued Meg Ryan that one time too.