Very different, but quite lovely.

I was let go from my temp assignment today, which is bumming me out. Apparently, they were worried that I wouldn't want to stay in the job for more than a few months.

I'm more bummed about this than I thought I'd be. What's making it worse is that while I have some friends here, I don't have the kinds of friends where I can just go crash at their place for a few hours. My mom is out of town for the summer, and my dad lives over an hour away. ION, I'm feeling rather lonely, and loserish. And fat.

But, I do get my hair cut tomorrow.

Aw, Anne. That is of the suck.

I'm wanting some advice.

I've tried calling my mother, to let her know I'm moving, and where, and that it is a relationship thing. But she doesn't answer her phone. She makes a point to not answer because of all the creditors she's in trouble with. Actually, now that they've had their bankruptsy hearing, they shouldn't be having trouble with that, so much as contacts from the bailiff about removing themselves from the house which has been foreclosed upon.

When I moved to Arizona eight years ago, I left an enormous amount of stuff there. Mostly books. But also a cradle which my father had made for me before he died, and things like my highschool diploma. Ages ago, I told her to take most of that stuff and sell it at a yard sale. But that for Christmas and birthdays, instead of buying me new things, please to take the budgeted money and use it to ship some of my books, and other things that I really wanted. I gave her a precise list of my wants. At gift-giving occations, she went right on and bought me stuff, that as usual for her, had nothing to do with what I want. She sent me a sweater, for heaven's sake. The couple of times I sent money for shipping, she would ignore the list I had given her, and ask, "Oh, don't you want these cheap plastic black shoes, you need those for work?" No, I already bought new cheap plastic black shoes, send me my books. And she'd still ignore what I said and send the items I specifically said not to bother with.

So I gave up. Years ago. I believe it is a passive agresssive means of punishing me for daring to escape the hell-hole that is her second marriage, when she is still stuck in it.

So, now that she's losing the house, which my dad had had mostly paid off when he died, I'm gonna lose all chance at getting the few important things left there.

As for our relationship, it's only been six months or so that I realized how truly she is an emotional vampire, and has been feeding off me for decades. While I do not believe it is a conscious choice she made, I have learned how to keep her from draining me. She used to call me every month, talk for more than an hour, and I would be so exhausted when it was over. Now that I don't feed her the way I used to, she no longer calls. And Does Not Answer When I Call.

I am very strongly considering just letting her go.

{{{{{{{{{Anne}}}}}}}}}}

Oh, Anne, I'm so sorry. Hang out with us a bit and tell us the last thing you knit.

I am very strongly considering just letting her go.

If you feel you need to, you can do that for now. There is no need to commit to forever.

As far as the few important things, where does she live? (you can backchannel that if you wish) Maybe one of us could help you nab the cradle or something.

{{{Anne}}} Will looking at all the pictures of the pretty tiaras cheer you up? (A little?)

{{{WindSparrow}}} What a hard thing to have to do. But you sound like you've already started protecting yourself, and your emotional resources, from her.

{{{Anne}}}

{{{WindSparrow}}}

Anne, that sucks.

WindSparrow, while it would suck to lose such precious personal items, it sounds like there isn't a very good chance you'll get them back. As for your mom. *sigh* I hate to say walk away completely but it sounds like you're moving on to a healthier emotional place without her. By not allowing her to suck your soul, you've found some peace. And she may, in her own way, understand this. Or not. Either way it sounds like she's making her own decision to not talk to you.

If it were me, I'd keep the forward momentum. I think you could keep yourself sane while leaving the door to the relationship open just a crack. You never know when she might come to the realization that you're her daughter and that she shouldn't throw that away.