Skipping some, because, drunk and tired and not generally processing things.

Man, my first day in NY was fun. Entering an MA program made almost exclusively of fairly gregarious people is a rather new experience for me, and led to a really fun evening. Hopefully, some of my new drinking acquaintances will eventually emerge into real friends - I have hope.

At least one of them could gladly emerge into more, in my dreams. But that's a fantasy for another time.

And now, bed. Good night, my lovely Bitches, I'll check in on you more thoroughly in the morning.

I'm not mentally prepared to deal with The Doctor's sexuality at all, in fact.

This is wise. He would just no longer be the Doctor.

P-C, I'm coming late to all this, but I just wanted to tell you about Bec's experience. Her parents tried everything to stop her marrying me, since I was the spawn of Satan or something. They even kidnapped her and wouldn't let her off the farm (and back to her job) until she'd agreed not to. They looked into trying to get her declared mentally unfit. When we went ahead with it anyway, they diswoned her. She went two years without any word from them, then another year or two when her mother would start shouting at her about half the time they talked, and for our entire marriage, things were dreadfully strained. When we had the miscarriage, her father's reaction was to treat it as no big deal. On 9/11, they didn't phone at all. They never checked if she was ok, and how she felt about it.

Now, understand that when she was growing up, Bec did everything her parents told her to. She had a large extended family, and growing up in a country area, it was a big part of her life growing up. When they cut her off, she lost all that, especially contact with her brothers, including her youngest brother and grandparents, whom she adored.

Please understand, you can take all this whichever way you want. The years after we first married were extremely traumatic for Bec (and me, by extension). She felt she'd lost her entire past. She's a very sensitive person, and suffered dreadfully. She also, thanks to the way her parents had brought her up, felt at the deepest level that it was all her own fault. (FWIW, I primarily blame them, and the crap they unloaded onto us at the outset, for the ultimate failure of our marriage.)

But today, Bec is (to me at least), a remarkably confident, outgoing, poised and assured woman. She is so much more than she could ever have been if her parents had kept her under their thumb. She's travelled around the world, she's got great people skills (she always did, really), she's just such a boon to anyone in her life. In short, she's come so far from a farm in Numbugga.

I don't want to suggest what you should do, you know your situation better than anyone. For Bec, I can say that going against her parents' wishes was the hardest thing she's ever done, and it took a long time to come to terms with it; but she also, I think, believes it was one of the best things she's ever done.

billytea, what a loving thing to do, posting that. I know you still have pain over this, and that must have been hard. It's also terrific perspective.

(FWIW, I primarily blame them, and the crap they unloaded onto us at the outset, for the ultimate failure of our marriage.)

billytea, what a loving thing to do, posting that. I know you still have pain over this, and that must have been hard. It's also terrific perspective.

You know, honestly, it's not that hard at all now. I feel like I've come to terms with it. When we talked a couple of weeks ago, it felt very relaxed, not guarded at all (I know we were both pretty nervous beforehand). And even though we've split up, we're still each other's biggest fans, if that makes sense.

It not only makes sense, it is really good to read. And honestly, I think you get a good share of the credit, for that. You fought very hard. I know you were fighting for your marriage, and it seems that wasn't to be, but in fighting for it, I think you saved your fondness for one another.

I know you were fighting for your marriage, and it seems that wasn't to be, but in fighting for it, I think you saved your fondness for one another.

Very much so. It was still time well spent, trying to work on it. You could say that we lost our marriage, but we saved the relationship.

The minister who married us, in many ways he had a lot of trouble with the job. But one thing he said that particularly impressed me was that, contrary to the Book of James, times of trial don't build character as much as they reveal it. I think there's a lot to that.

Oh, I never thought of it that way. I did a study on James a few months ago. I think James was talking more about building faith through persevering in doing right, but I can see what the pastor means. I think probably, trials can accomplish both things. They certainly reveal character, because when you're ground down, and stressed out, scared, angry, hurt, and whatever else, filtering out the ugly bits is easily re-filed way down to the bottom of the priority heap. But, I also think how we choose to deal with the trials *can* build character, if we choose well. Before I go all Whistler the-big-moments-are-gonna-come it's-what-we-do-after that-counts, I'll stop. *g*

And even though we've split up, we're still each other's biggest fans, if that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense. I agree with Cindy. It's wonderful that you guys have been able to keep that fondness, through everything you've been through.

I also wanted to comment on Aimee's bridesmaid's dress. That's craziness, girl! Absolute craziness!

Cindy, how did things go yesterday?

I'm back at work. Such an exciting life I lead. Today at work I will write my paper that is due on Tuesday and fill out more paperwork. The paperwork on today's menu? Medicare. Whoo! At least I get a nice break today - lunch with Theodosia and Ellen S. That will be so nice.

Where is everyone? I need entertaining!

::tap dances around beth's pretty wood floor::

Just for you, vw.

beth, whoever put carpeting on that beautiful floor ought to get an infestation of Box Elder beetles in the brain. Yeesh.

And, I have a guilty secret. I covet the bitch thigh highs.