Hell if I know. Depends on who it is, I guess. The time of reckoning is at hand

As in "I recokon you should have raised me in India if you wanted to run my life this much"?

Seriously, its unfair of parents to raise their children in one culture and expect them to bide by another. And when they do opt to do that they are the one taking the risk and threating to cut you off is cruel.

That's all pretty confrontational though and not particularly helpful. What if you tabled the discussion for a year? Or six months? Or some set amount of time? Refusing to do what your parents want is too hard and may ultimately be unnecessary -- but a break could be a really good idea.

"Mom, Dad, I'm 23(4?) years old and not ready for a commitment with ANYBODY. This is all we talk about anymore and its hurting our relationship. For the next ______ we need to not discuss it. At all. Out of respect for me I hope you won't discuss it with other people either, but that is up to you."

This is stressing you out. You need a break from it.

Heather, do you still need someone to proofread? I'll probably be online for at least an hour, maybe longer.

Trudy, not sure reasoned discussion will work with these folks. The need to ge their pride and joy married (and to feel that they are not losing him to an alien culture) is too strong. P-C likes girls, I don't see what's wrong with letting his mom round some nice ones uo for him. He'll have some dates and he just has to keep saying "not this one" until A. he likes one of them or B. he meets someone they don't know about. In the meantime he gets practice with dating and doesn't make them feel shut out of his life.

It's cause it steals his adorable.

Hey, Empress, I'm reenacting that photo for you RIGHT NOW.

Jilli pretty.

I tried to go home but the traffic is a nightmare so I turned around and came back to work. There is no food here. I am hungry and it's Friday and I should have gotten off early! Boo hiss.

Trudy, not sure reasoned discussion will work with these folks.

I don't think it will either. I just think a break from this could be a good thing.

He can do all that other stuff when he's not sorta wigging out.

P-C, listen to Robin, she is very wise.

she styled her hair with an eggbeater and a twig.

Teppy, have you been stalking me? This is just what my hair looked like today. I failed to put any product in it before leaving for work and I let it air dry. Oy. That was a mistake. If there is one thing my hair never suffers from is a lack of body/volume.

"Mom, Dad, I'm 23(4?) years old and not ready for a commitment with ANYBODY. This is all we talk about anymore and its hurting our relationship. For the next ______ we need to not discuss it. At all. Out of respect for me I hope you won't discuss it with other people either, but that is up to you."

He he he. Did you use the words "respect for me" in there? He he he he he. I think I did ask my mom to stop bringing up marriage all the time a few months ago, and maybe it worked for a few weeks, but that was about it. Now, I have two years before I expire and I'm not worth marrying, so that's that.

Hot damn, it's a good thing I'm not gay, or this would be so much worse.

I think I did ask my mom to stop bringing up marriage all the time a few months ago, and maybe it worked for a few weeks, but that was about it.

I remember that and it seemed like she sorta whittled it away. Something firmer might work better.

And its a shame if you have to demand respect to get it, but you deserve it so maybe you should.

Aw, now I'm sorry I brought it up at all. I mean, not entirely, just because I do like you and you are one of the people who's always at the back of my mind for general small worries and go team you!s and all-purpose free-floating wishes of -ma, and even if it's something awful I am glad to just know more deeply what it's like for you.

But I'm sorry about the crying and stirring things up, 'cause you've already taken huge steps in the last few months with the stopping school, the writing and jobseeking, and during a time when you have some real strengths and accomplishments to draw on it probably doesn't help to have even a friend come along and poke your bruises and say, "Hey, that's a sore spot, isn't it? Can you please tell me just exactly how sore it is?" That's not so much helping, and I'm sorry.

But, really, Robin is so damn wise. And I can feel my own therapist high-fiving her from a distance, because that's exactly the sort of thing my therapist used to tell me and it took forever for the lightbulb moment to happen.

Er, not that my therapist told me how to deal with my parents trying to arrange my marriage to local girls from their homeland. But she did drill into me that ultimately we have zero control over the people in our lives -- they're going to do what they're going to do, want what they want and expect what they expect, and trying to change them will just make us crazier. The only thing we can control is how we deal with them, which is something I resisted for just about ever because it felt like giving in. They're CRAXY WRONG FUCKOS who are messing with my brain, and if I change and they don't it is SO FUCKING UNJUST. Which is true, and yet, it doesn't help.

This super-scrappy wisdom:

P-C likes girls, I don't see what's wrong with letting his mom round some nice ones uo for him. He'll have some dates and he just has to keep saying "not this one" until A. he likes one of them or B. he meets someone they don't know about. In the meantime he gets practice with dating and doesn't make them feel shut out of his life.

makes me all swoony -- your parents won't ever change, and it emotionally wrecks you (and us who love you) to keep trying. Robin's solution is just elegant -- let them think what they think and want what they want, take what benefits you from the situation, and let go of the rest.

About 50,000 times easier said than done, though. Oh, I adore you, P-C. Oh, I wish I hadn't punched your bruises.