All I've got is shoulda-haves, Aimee, I'm sorry. The matron of honor shoulda checked with the bridesmaids. You shouldn't be expected to attend two bridal showers, especially when this wedding requires flying to another state. Finally, they shoulda kept in mind that you're the mother of a very small but bottomless money pit (who's the cutest thing ever and will grow up to RULE THE WORLD WITH HER IRON CUTENESS but still).

None of this helps you now. Um... You could get hands and feet paraffined for $20! Also, you could go ahead and talk to the matron about how you're just afraid you can't afford it and see what happens. I don't imagine the bride wants you to be coughing up more money than you can afford for her.

But they ARE broke!! That's what kills me about this. He's still in law school and she doesn't have enough hours to be a certified therapist yet!

My best friend from law school graduated 100K in debt, and his wife to be was planning an elaborate 50K wedding, about 30K of which was going on credit cards. I took him aside and pointed out that the important thing was to be married, right? And his parents had the most beautiful back yard... He told me that his wife to be had been looking forward to this kind of wedding for years and he couldn't do that to her. 10+ years later, they still haven't paid it off. She's a nice person, but I hate her a little for that.

A story which in no way helps you, Aimée. I understand why you think you're stuck, and it has got to be frustrating, especially when you're working so hard to get your finances under control. Maybe after the wedding you can take her aside and tell her as much as you like The Stuff for Em, and that she is wonderfully generous, Em doesn't know who is giving presents and who isn't so you'd like her to stop spending money she doesn't have and just come over without gifts and so Em will know what a great person she has as a godmother. Break the cycle!

Are you certain someone isn't treating everyone (or the broke people)? I'm having trouble making it make sense in my head.

Positive. She told me in the email I got from her.

Weren't you just crying with relief earlier because you were approved for a loan so that you could buy GROCERIES?

Yeah, I was. Dammit.

He told me that his wife to be had been looking forward to this kind of wedding for years and he couldn't do that to her. 10+ years later, they still haven't paid it off.

Yep. Her parents are footing some of it, her birth parents are footing some of it, and they are footing a large portion of it. It's all very chi chi.

am getting my hair cut today, and it'll probably go super-short, as my hairdresser is this close to going on maternity leave for 5 weeks.

::feels swoony::

I need a haircut

I love summer. I just do.

Great news, Aimee, on the loan. Less wonderful news re: the Great Spa Debacle.

I just accidentally ate my entire $.99 BigGrab of chips that I meant to only eat half of. Fritos Honey BBQ Flavor Twists = Crack.

This message brought to you by AMPM.

Um, and I agree with everything that everybody has advised Aimee and Lilty (except for the not having been to Europe yet myself, so can't vouch, but am taking notes for the trip I have high hopes of happening in the next year-ish)

Lilty -- Several years ago I went on a two week coach tour of the UK with a large group including Grandma E. Breakfast and dinner were provided but we were on our own at lunch. I know we ate amazing lunches in some interesting restaurants. But the one that first comes to mind was lunch in York.

After walking around looking at all the beauty we stopped in a little shop and got several pasties and a drink and then walked over to a park and had an impromptu picnic.

The other lunch I remember is the fish n' chips lunch at a pub.

I know someone who went to Paris and bought a bunch of Effiel Tower keychains to give to everyone.

That is a sucky position to be in, Aimee. I know that it used to KILL ME DEAD to admit that I couldn't do something because of no money - this led to some short term problems when I started dating Tom, I didn't want to mooch or not do fun stuff because I was broke. So I went into even more serious debt, on stupid stuff. I mean, it wasn't stupid, because it was fun stuff with Tom, but stupid because I couldn't tell you exactly what money I spent on what, now.

My point is- upthread, you were in tears of joy because you were able to get a loan to go *grocery shopping*. I know so well that precarious and stomach clenching just barely hanging on feeling in finances. I am worried about you spending this money on something that, in the long run, is really not the most crucial and important thing in the world. Certainly not compared to being able to provide for your family and hang on until things get sorted out, financially. You *will* see your dear friend, at the Michigan shower, and at her wedding. You *will* be able to spend time with her. But you have a daughter, a family, and maybe different priorites than the rest of her wedding party?

She is your friend, and she will understand, or she will have to understand, that no matter how much you care about her, you have priorities that are a universe apart from spa treatments in Vegas.

I may very well be talking out of my prominant and ample ASS, so I apologize if I've said anything out of line.

One more parallel which is probably meaningless - it really killed me, for many reasons, not to go to the F2F. I had the money on my Amex, I had the time to get away. But at that time, my priorities HAD to be 1) get rest 2) save money for all the upcoming house stuff. I couldn't go to NOLA and pretend I could afford the money, energy, and sanity.

And yes, the wedding is in Michigan and I'm going to the shower there cause I'm in town anyway - total coincidence.

He told me that his wife to be had been looking forward to this kind of wedding for years and he couldn't do that to her. 10+ years later, they still haven't paid it off.

Oh my god, that is just fucking foul. I mean, I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

(standard Nora disclaimer: this is not a rail against big/expensive weddings, it is a rail against expensive weddings that ONE CANNOT AFFORD even after 10 years)

Aimee, can you at least car pool with someone else that's going and maybe do one of the less expensive treatments (Emily suggested)? That will keep the costs down and still allow you to attend?