I think for me, a big part of my issue with slash fic as a whole is that, before I started hanging out here, I've never known anyone IRL who was out as being bisexual, and the gay people I've known never talked about having any interest in the opposite sex at all. So, when I see a character on tv/movies who is demonstrably het, such as Morgan and Hotch, I tend to put them into the solely-het category, and it would have to take them showing me something else in canon to convince me otherwise.

Criminal Minds gen at AO3:

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Hmm. I think of all the bisexual guys I know only a handful are openly so, and more than a few of the gay ones (including my ex) gave every appearance of being actively het at some point in their adult lives.

I've known enough gay guys that have a sexual history with women that it completely doesn't ping me. And I've known bisexual guys. It's really not an issue for me to imagine someone going from sleeping with women onscreen with sleeping with men offscreen if it's written well.

And I don't see any reason that Hotch or Morgan are inherently straighter than Reid. Butcher, yes, but that's not the same thing.

Both of the gay male friends I've had for a long time tried to "go straight" for a long time. One of them married a woman, and it wasn't until he got divorced that he came out. He admitted he'd suspected he was gay since high school, too.

My gay aunt married a gay man and they had two kids. It completely doesn't ping me.

Interestingly enough, my ex didn't consciously realize he was gay until he was pushing 30. I can't personally imagine what it feels like being that deep in denial (hey, I figured things out when the hormones hit at 13 and just made a pragmatic decision not to share), but apparently a lot of guys are.

Wait, so you mean he didn't just wake up gay? But I thought that happened all the time.

I don't think I met many guys who identified as gay at the time in university, but I sure knew a whole bunch by the time I graduated. Even the most apparently obvious were not willing to share for a while. And even after they shared, they still made out with chicks and copped the odd feel.

Most of my gay family members are lesbians, and most of them came out in their mid teens. So it's seemed to me that it's easier for women--but then again, all of them have slept with men anyway.

Hmm. I think of all the bisexual guys I know only a handful are openly so, and more than a few of the gay ones (including my ex) gave every appearance of being actively het at some point in their adult lives.

It's funny, because when meara was staying with me we were talking about someone who had been in a long term het relationship and...changed. And it seemed very strange.

But at the same time - I am way more interested in women than I used to be. And it wasn't ignorance or denial, as far as I can tell. Right now, I think sexually I am good either direction. The person we were talking about was coming out of a five -plus year het relationship, and saying he'd been gay all along and didn't know it.

For me? Emotionally, I'm not sure where I fall. And I'm 40, and I've been involved with more men than women. And right now I'm so disassociated from *anyone* that I wonder if some of my draw toward women isn't just because it's easier.

gay all along and didn't know it

Semantically, how does that differ from being in denial, I wonder? I mean, you thought that was as good as it got? Didn't properly feel the feelings for the same sex?

I say all this, and I'll be gay tomorrow, just watch.