Her hands stroked the brocade fabric that covered the antique and she wallowed in the memories that rushed her mind, while Michael melancholically observed her actions.

Melancholically?

He answered and placed a hand on her lap, “This is not a joke; this is your day of reckoning Nee-kee-tah.”

And the day that I mangle your name!

There was no getting around it, Nikita had a purposeful plan and even the Heavens were not going to deter her focused goal, even if the plan was predestined as everything in our lives is.

Nikita is totally going to have her own way! Except for that pesky predestination thing, but it's okay, because obviously it's predestined that Michael return from the dead.

“We need Michael down there, this is not the time to take our best asset and exile him in lala land.” Again a grin and she went forth, “Your Planet is in a hell of a mess! Have you noticed that or are you too busy worrying about the life forces in other Planets?”

Because only Michael can save the world.

“With all due respect Father, Michael is capable of taking the most volatile of situations and disarming them with great expeditiousness, finesse and aplomb.”

I bet God will be swayed by her thesarausly vocabulary.

The blonde went willingly to a balcony in the clouds and was shown a fantastic life where she was accompanied by a handsome man who dotted on her children and loved her so.

Let's hope "dotting" isn't code for something bad and wrong.

I'll spare you the bit where Michael and Nikita and their children dance around the room like that inspirational bit in bad movies where the women bond and dance to some Mowtown classic.

I'll spare you the bit where Michael and Nikita and their children dance around the room like that inspirational bit in bad movies where the women bond and dance to some Mowtown classic.

My abject horror cannot be textually rendered.

Really, if life forces from other planets ever threaten to invade, this woman's writing may be our first and best line of defense. Just hack into their computers and horrify them with bad fanfic until they flee the solar system...

She should team up with Scooter Libby. I hear he's got some time on his hands.

I flashed to the MTV movie awards skit where Lisa Kudrow was choreographer who had these various actresses dancing around a bean bag chair instead of a table and waving scarves.

Which has to be one of the most horrifying mental images ever.

It's a pretty awful scene. Michael is a famous pop star. Nikita is in her underwear.

And a new tagline is born.

I don't know how long I'll be able to put up with it though.

Is this in the same story where he's dead?

Is this in the same story where he's dead?

Yeah. Nikita's on some sort of "It's a Wonderful Life" trip. First, she was shown a future where Michael stays dead, and she becomes a soccer mom. Because, you know, if you're not a covert anti-terrorist operative who sees ghosts, your only other option in life is to join the PTA.

Then she insisted on seeing the future where Michael lived, which led to a horribly twee scene of domestic life.

She's the Lord King Bad Fic reigning champion.