Here's my next putting-off-the-shower question: does some spammer actually think that I will be fooled by the familiarity of the "Hiya!" subject line into opening an email from "Federals G. Junketed"?

A few weeks ago I opened my spam filter by mistake and noticed that it had screened out an e-mail from one of my friends. Since then, I've opened it every day and scanned it, to be sure that I'm not missing any important e-mails. In my easily distractible way, I've become interested in spam as a phenomenon of nature. I've been struck with the fact that spam exists in an evolutionary context, with strong selection pressures, and it's constantly changing in response to changes in those pressures. It's very interesting how these organisms (e-ganisms?) adapt to escape their predators (spam filters) and to catch their prey (very stupid humans) successfully. Product descriptions alter the spelling in subtle ways that fool the machine but allow the human brain (even the stupid human brain) to recognize them. It's like the best forms of camouflage and mimicry found in nature.

And the names of the senders are always changing. At one point spammers could use an ordinary traditional name, but now it is obvious to everyone an e-mail from John Smith must be fake, fake, fake. The new names that I've seen are models of ethnic integration—they evoke sentimental images of the American melting pot: Xochiquetzal Jones; Mohamed Svenson; Kirsten Diego Ng. But as Emily points out, they also go beyond the old ethnic melting pot to a new kind of semantic melting pot where humans and animals and inanimate objects combine in new and wonderful ways: Patientest G. Organelle; Mouse L. Neurotically; Roach Anorthosite; Epoxyed M. Postman. It's hybrid vigor! It's natural selection and survival of the fittest, but done in a time frame of days rather than millennia.

Something I find both charming and depressing is the number of former English majors who appear to make their living in Spam. I have received offers for tourist information from Leopold Bloom, for new home financing from Howard Roark, and for legal advice from Sydney Carton. One lucky morning I received soulful e-mails from both Natasha Rostov and Helene Kuragin. Natasha was going to supply me with the ROMANCE that I always wanted. This seemed proper, given that Natasha had once captured my heart, along with the hearts of every other adolescent boy forced to read War and Peace at one point or another. On the not-so-proper side, Helene Kuragin offered to introduce me to sexy, fun-loving girls of easy virtue right in my own hometown. It's not clear how much good it does the average American guy to know about fun-loving, slightly mercenary girls in his hometown, given that he by now almost certainly lives hundreds of miles from his hometown, but if anyone would be good at finding these girls it would be Helene Kuragin.

All in all, if I have to be spammed, I prefer to be the target of these literate spammers with a sense of humor. Even so, there is a faintly tragic quality to educated people making a living like this. It’s the same feeling of slow decline and corruption that you get in novels of the Deep South or in stories of Englishmen languishing too long in some colonial backwater.

Emily, can you hook up with someone else taking the exam and study together? SOmetimes you just need to explain it to someone else to remember what you know, if that makes sense.

Excellent idea. Especially since it'll make me feel better -- I tend to get all tense thinking everyone else going into teaching math will be math geniuses, despite knowing that other intended high-school math teachers in my classes are... not. I mean, they're smart people, and I like them, but they're not, like, Hil or anything.

Also, -t, the Abstract Algebra and differential equations were for high school. Middle school teachers only need Algebra (er... concrete algebra? I kind of thought algebra was abstract in and of itself) and calculus through integrals. Doesn't that make you feel better?

I assumed it was a gay joke. I couldn't figure out quite *how* it was a gay joke, mind, but that's where my mind tends to go when the words "Tom Cruise" and "top" are juxtaposed.

You and me both, LJ

Hey, does anyone use Quicken Billpay? if so, how much does it cost. I bought quicken this weekend to use for billpaying, and was idly reading the box (before I opened it), and there is a footnote saying that there "may" be a charge. I just want to know how much it is. There's no answer on the website, and the "technical Assistance" is $24.95. It's a decent product, and would help me manage my money better, but they're pissing me off. I CAN and WILL return!!

Rick, didn't you used to be Rik? Or have I somehow, bizarrely, mixed you up in my mind with the Young One?

...at which point I suddenly realized that I have mixed up the Young Ones and French and Saunders theme songs in my head. "The Young Ones... ooeeooeeoo..."

All in all, if I have to be spammed, I prefer to be the target of these literate spammers with a sense of humor.

All I ever get is spam from eBay about my account being suspended (note: I do not have an account), same from midwestern banks I've never heard of, and incomprehensible non-roman characters from lively people in China.

I get the eBay and bank spam threatening to close my nonexistent account if I don't do something (to which I say, please do!) and offers to make my sperm taste better (um...), but also the lovely Adjective Q. Gerund emails.

And on my fanfiction-only account, I occasionally get Cyrillic email. Which may or may not be spam. Who knows?

sperm taste better

Cherry flavored? Grape? Diet sperm?

I occasionally get Cyrillic email. Which may or may not be spam. Who knows?

Increase the size of your Cyrillic!

Refinance your Cyrillic!

Attention! Your computer may be infected with Cyrillics!

I finally got a task to do! Yay! Of course, it's re-doing the single task I did last week.

That's AWESOME. I like Brooke so much more all of a sudden.

I've always really liked her, but I'm positively giddy that she came out swinging in response to Cruise's remarks. He should have picked on someone his own size.