Hmm. I shudder to think what a white t-shirt and khakis say about my inner life

You're not your fucking khakis.

Oh, *I* know that. I just wonder what Sandra Dee images I'm putting forth.

I shudder to think what a white t-shirt and khakis say about my inner life.

Vanilla?

Exactly my point. Anyone who infers that, based on the way I look, is just missing out on fudge-ripple-nut-crunch-y goodness.

I just wonder what Sandra Dee images I'm putting forth.

So you have a wonderfully Vanilla exterior with a lovely, cream-filled, porny center.

Like a Tootsie pop.

How many licks does it take.....

I think EVERYONE, male or female, looks better with a smidge of concealer, powder, groomed eyebrows, mascara, and tinted lip balm. EVERYONE

I completely agree with this. And yet, I wear makeup extremely rarely, because for most of my day-to-day life, I'm not interested in looking "better." The effort I put into looking good corresponds directly with how important I think it is for whatever audience I'll have, and usually, it's pretty minimal.

Ah, see -- this (err, not your opinion, specifically, Hec, as I don't interact with you in meatspace and don't have to actually face your evaluation on a daily basis) is why I feel such a pressure to Dress Up And Look Pretty, beyond what I would do if I were only pleasing myself.

And I am sorry to add to the cultural pressure. Though to distinguish myself from the cultural norm, I don't want or expect women to conform to a standard Playboy bunny model of appearance. To the contrary, I don't find that look even remotely appealing, nor do I like any single standard of beauty. I like very individual style, which is available to anyone with an imagination.

Also my attraction to personal style is probably a fairly idiosyncratic preference for an elevated sense of intrigue and style-as-social discourse dealie. I probably would have thrived in an ultra-aesthete culture as exemplified by the Heian dynasty in Japan where every gesture was Loaded And Significant.

I wouldn't say I have a style, so much as a consistency. It is easy, simple, and doesn't require much of a mirror. Which means I'm kinda in awe of a lot of women. But mostly of Jilli - I just couldn't do something so difficult - to shop for, explain, and just put together.

Remember, I am on the outside edge of opinion in this, because I think EVERYONE, male or female, looks better with a smidge of concealer, powder, groomed eyebrows, mascara, and tinted lip balm.

I'm just a little further toward the middle on this, but only just. Then again, I use my clothes as armor, and I also choose to Dress more often than many of my peers.

Then again, a clean white form-fitting t-shirt can be one of the sexiest articles of clothing around. It's all how it's worn.

eta: for most of my day-to-day life, I'm not interested in looking "better." The effort I put into looking good corresponds directly with how important I think it is for whatever audience I'll have, and usually, it's pretty minimal.

Also this. I've already set myself far enough apart from everyone I spend 40 hours a week with via hair and clothes - I don't feel that they're worth the effort of full make-up. Well, and I Don't Really Do day make-up. Haven't the talent. Easier to do full-on.

But mostly of Jilli - I just couldn't do something so difficult - to shop for, explain, and just put together.

Yes, this. Being Jilli is a vocation; I'm pleased to be part of the audience, and I could never, ever do it.

Most activities, for me, get weighed against "Would I rather be reading?" Most activities lose.

(The funny part of this whole conversation is that, with very few exceptions, NONE of us knew what any of the rest of us looked like/how we dressed/shaved/etc before getting to know each other. We're ALL inner life here. And the F2F atmospheres are festive enough that when we DO meet, we're not really presenting our day-to-day selves. We're presenting our stylish party selves.)