Not breathing is best done in moderation.

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A guy would likely have to come equipped with a note signed by God saying, "This is the one, your life will be complete and tales will be told of your joy and fulfillment if you stay with this guy" before he was around long enough for me to fall in that deep of love with him to give up an established pet.

I understand this. This is, I think, how most people feel, when they're going to get married (and/or live together in a way they both assume to be a lifelong commitment). I wouldn't give up the pet for a boyfriend. I would for a husband.

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DH and I have, for the time being, agreed to drop the subject, with him accepting that I get to be sad about it for awhile (because it's just so. damn. beautiful.). We've also acknowledged that both of us dropped the ball on the camera/rifle thing. I should've realized the type of pictures he was taking and the amount of time he was spending on photography blogs indicated a serious interest, but I didn't, because he'd gone without a camera for years until we got the digital, which led me to believe it was just fascination with the latest in techie toys. And he should've realized from my enthusiasm for the subject and various remarks I made about if I ever found a place that sold replicas of guns from my era, that if I did find such a thing and it wasn't ridiculously expensive, I'd want to buy it.

Of course, he will get the camera eventually, as soon as we come to some kind of mutually agreeable compromise about the money. And I doubt this makes sense to anyone but me, but I'm still feeling heartbroken about not getting my rifle. Partly that's because I'd turned it into the ultimate symbol of achieving my dream, but I also just wanted it for itself. Because it's just so shiny. And while I can tell from what people have said here that DH's reaction isn't at all unusual, it's still so far removed from my own attitude that I can't even wrap my brain around it.

And I have to say, it really does suck when something like this comes up completely unexpectedly more than seven years into a relationship. Obviously we're not going to leave each other over it--that'd be stupid--but there's this part of me that's saying, "How did I end up married to a man who can't understand why this means so much to me?" And I'm sure there's a part of him that's saying, "How did I end up married to a woman who would want such a thing?"

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John Cusack himself would have to get every shot known to man, visit every probably-a-damn-opium-den in six china towns, and try every pill on the market before we even discussed a pet I'd made a commitment to living with someone not me.

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before he was around long enough for me to fall in that deep of love with him to give up an established pet.

I don't understand putting conditions on a relationship like that. If a guy is all allergic, then stay at his house, you know? I stayed at the BF's place 99% of the time up until we moved in together because of his allergy to my down comforter. It would have been the same if he had been allergic to my cats. We would have worked around it until I discovered how important he was going to be to me. if you really like the person, lots of circumstantial things can be worked out over time. I'm all for making the possibilty of love as easy as possible, because it's hard to find and SO worth it when you have it. My best friend broke up with the guy she was happiest with to because she lived in NYC and he lived in Boston and neither were going to move. He was willing to have a long distance relationship and see what developed but she refused. 18 months later she got a job in...Boston, but he had started seeing someone else by that time. That was 10 years ago and she hasn't met anyone since who she thought she could marry.

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And I have to say, it really does suck when something like this comes up completely unexpectedly more than seven years into a relationship.

Odds are this won't happen to you, but try finding out after 19 years that your husband has a kid you didn't know about. I said, "Why did you tell So-and-so you have two kids? Are you counting Stevie? (A friend of ours we met when he was young and stupid and who calls us Mom and Dad)" Hubby said, "No, I have a son somewhere who's older than Kara (his daughter from his first marriage). I told you about him." "Uh, honey, I'd remember."

When Hubby was a young and studly teenager (I've seen the pictures, I know whereof I speak), he got hit on by an older woman friend. Being young and male, he was willing, but he protested that she was married and he was friends with both of them. She said her husband was cool with it--ah, the halcyon days of the early '70s--and he didn't protest twice. A couple of months later, she invited Hubby to dinner with her and her husband, he thought it was a little odd but went. Turns out her husband was infertile and they'd looked around their friends to see who'd provide a child that would blend in. They picked Hubby. They thanked him for knocking her up, told him it was over and that they were moving to another part of the country where people wouldn't know he and the wife had been together and they could pretend the baby was theirs. He found out later it was a boy but had no idea where the kid is. I hope the guy doesn't come down with any odd ailments they need to track his genetics on.

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before he was around long enough for me to fall in that deep of love with him to give up an established pet.

I don't understand putting conditions on a relationship like that.

I'm with Robin.

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I'm all for making the possibilty of love as easy as possible, because it's hard to find and SO worth it when you have it.

ITA. AKA, "Scrappy is wise"

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Wow, connie. You win. And that's just freaky.

(Still gonna wallow in my heartbreak a little longer, though.)

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(Still gonna wallow in my heartbreak a little longer, though.)

Don't blame you in the slightest.

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