John Cusack himself would have to get every shot known to man, visit every probably-a-damn-opium-den in six china towns, and try every pill on the market before we even discussed a pet I'd made a commitment to living with someone not me.

before he was around long enough for me to fall in that deep of love with him to give up an established pet.

I don't understand putting conditions on a relationship like that. If a guy is all allergic, then stay at his house, you know? I stayed at the BF's place 99% of the time up until we moved in together because of his allergy to my down comforter. It would have been the same if he had been allergic to my cats. We would have worked around it until I discovered how important he was going to be to me. if you really like the person, lots of circumstantial things can be worked out over time. I'm all for making the possibilty of love as easy as possible, because it's hard to find and SO worth it when you have it. My best friend broke up with the guy she was happiest with to because she lived in NYC and he lived in Boston and neither were going to move. He was willing to have a long distance relationship and see what developed but she refused. 18 months later she got a job in...Boston, but he had started seeing someone else by that time. That was 10 years ago and she hasn't met anyone since who she thought she could marry.

And I have to say, it really does suck when something like this comes up completely unexpectedly more than seven years into a relationship.

Odds are this won't happen to you, but try finding out after 19 years that your husband has a kid you didn't know about. I said, "Why did you tell So-and-so you have two kids? Are you counting Stevie? (A friend of ours we met when he was young and stupid and who calls us Mom and Dad)" Hubby said, "No, I have a son somewhere who's older than Kara (his daughter from his first marriage). I told you about him." "Uh, honey, I'd remember."

When Hubby was a young and studly teenager (I've seen the pictures, I know whereof I speak), he got hit on by an older woman friend. Being young and male, he was willing, but he protested that she was married and he was friends with both of them. She said her husband was cool with it--ah, the halcyon days of the early '70s--and he didn't protest twice. A couple of months later, she invited Hubby to dinner with her and her husband, he thought it was a little odd but went. Turns out her husband was infertile and they'd looked around their friends to see who'd provide a child that would blend in. They picked Hubby. They thanked him for knocking her up, told him it was over and that they were moving to another part of the country where people wouldn't know he and the wife had been together and they could pretend the baby was theirs. He found out later it was a boy but had no idea where the kid is. I hope the guy doesn't come down with any odd ailments they need to track his genetics on.

before he was around long enough for me to fall in that deep of love with him to give up an established pet.

I don't understand putting conditions on a relationship like that.

I'm with Robin.

I'm all for making the possibilty of love as easy as possible, because it's hard to find and SO worth it when you have it.

ITA. AKA, "Scrappy is wise"

Wow, connie. You win. And that's just freaky.

(Still gonna wallow in my heartbreak a little longer, though.)

(Still gonna wallow in my heartbreak a little longer, though.)

Don't blame you in the slightest.

Far be it for me to object to your taking up one of my hobbies, Susan.

I'm all for making the possibilty of love as easy as possible, because it's hard to find and SO worth it when you have it.

I'm 37 and haven't found it yet. And I'm having a pretty happy life. There are many times when I'd like to be in love with someone who is in love with me. And 10 years ago I would have probably given up my cat for him, moved when his job moved, etc. My boundaries were much more wide open then. But he never showed, and I found other relationships that were important to me and that have been tremendously supportive now that I'm having the family health problems. Any potential love will have to be pretty impressive to weigh against that.

And he'd still better like dogs.

I want my daughter/son to be the one who says "I already *know* guns are dangerous" when one of their friends shows them "something cool" they found under their parents bed.

Yes. This.

I was raised with guns. On my and my siblings 8th birthdays we each received a BB gun. My dad had a target in the backyard that we could shoot at (we only had an acre but it was enough for target practice). At 15 I received a single-barrelled junior 12-gauge and took a hunter safety class with my dad and brother. The following two years I went to the target range and out deer hunting. I have no problems against having a gun in the house, but it must NEVER be loaded - the possibility of it going off at exactly the wrong time (accidentally, of course) is to high. I respect guns and what they are capable of. A purely decorative, non-functional gun to put on a mantle can be a beautiful piece of artwork but a loaded handgun hidden in a drawer just invites disaster. (The whole loaded weapon by the bedside thing is more likely to get a family member or friend shot than an intruder.)

Kids are naturally inquisitive about anything forbidden. When I eventually have kids, I will let them hold a gun but teach them to respect it and the lives around them.