sj, we moved into this house and had FOUR boxed of unpacked books for FOUR years sitting in our computer room. Not everyone needs to have everything unpacked.

I'd just tell her, "when you hound me about it, I'm inclined to leave them there forever. It's not helping me to have you giving me grief about it." She doesn't have to live amongst the boxes of unpacked books. If it bothers her so much, maybe she should avoid looking at them when she comes over.

It seems to me that she's got the obsessive-control thing going on and an overpowering need to have things ordered and you fall back into a defensive position when she harps on things. Your mother may not be able to stop trying to get you to unpack the books (if it bothers her that much). But you can learn to control your response to it. Don't put the books away because she hounds you to do it. Do it in your own time at your own pace and don't worry about what she says when you finally do it. If she does respond smugly, you can always say, "it feels good to have done it when I wanted it done--not when you wanted it done."

Going to Home Depot makes me wish I owned a house, so I could buy tools and what-not, and fix things.

When my mom goes off me I just say "Ok, Lois," because she's so like that woman when she's upset.(We laugh about it. When she's not upset.) And she learned "You must chill. " from the hivemind. Sometimes the dog listens. Tep is Min from "Bet Me", pass it on.ETA: I once told somebody nagging me about clutter, that if she didn't cut it out, not only would I not pick it up, I would start buying other people's clutter, too. She backed off, but institutional living was SO not my scene.

Nora, you're about to buy a house. That means a close, personal relationship with Home Depot.

Heh. I know. As an apartment dweller, though, it just sort of freaks me out. I'm sure things will be very different on the other side!

My mother- when she gives advice or nags me (which has eased off in recent years, probably because she doesn't think I'm going to die alone drunk in debtor's prison anymore) I whine at her to stop. Not the best solution, but she does feel guilty when that happens. recently, I told her to "Shut Up." I said it in a funny way, I hope- it was when she was fretting that we paid too much for the house. I meant it though. shut up, mom.

I'd just tell her, "when you hound me about it, I'm inclined to leave them there forever. It's not helping me to have you giving me grief about it."

I have tried this approach. I have been told it is childish. I do get a great deal of pleasure out of the fact that it shocks her so much that I would invite friends over with all of those books in the living room.

I watch more home improvement shows than anything else these days. If I ever am in a position to buy real estate I will so be Home Depot's bitch.

The best I've been able to do to spite my mother is not buy a paper shredder. Really. She's on my all the time to do it, and I think she lies awake nights thinking about all the people waiting to rummage through my trash and steal my identity.

Of course, someone WILL at some point, because the Universe is there for nothing if not to prove that my mother is always right.

I have tried this approach. I have been told it is childish.

Ever tried explaining that when she treats you like a child, you tend to respond in kind? I know how frustrating it can be and she may very well never stop bugging you or treating you like a child.

I've been told by some parents to choose my battles. Is it more important to have pleasant visits surrounded by boxes of books? Or is it more fun to argue over unpacked boxes? Your mom may be choosing the wrong battle.

Mom loves Home Depot, she ends up trying to find projects to do after she buys her cool new toys.

Tep is Min from "Bet Me", pass it on.

Heh. Kind of. Though my Mom really isn't that bad at all; I'm just stubborn over past Issues.