sj, I moved into my apartment over a year ago and I still have boxes of books to unpack. Three of the boxes are currently stacked with a big scarf draped over them so it's not quite so obvious. Not sure those ones will ever get unpacked.

I am not looking forward to the day I finally unpack them so she can smugly say "now isn't that so much better".

A large part of me doesn't want to lose weight b/c I absolutely DO NOT want my Mom to be proved "right."

Though it's been pointed out to me that there has to be a better "fuck you" to my Mom that *won't* affect my health. Which is true.

Rarely do I have a conversation with my mother that she doesn't mention at least three times that I need to unpack those books or beg me to let her unpack them for me (beg is not an exaggeration).

Now this would lead to me putting the boxes of unpacked books in an appropriately sized mold and pouring concrete around them. Yes, even 'though they're books. My innate contraryness outweighs my not inconsiderable biblio-fetishism.

I do this. It really pisses my mother off, and she yells at me all the time for saying it.

What I am trying to say is that it will improve over time. It is a beautiful thing when you get to the point where you can enjoy each other's company as adults. It will happen. Although it will be on her timetable, not yours.

When the 4 kids are all together we totally torture Mom with the "Yes Mothers." She is hella fun to tease in her old age.

Though it's been pointed out to me that there has to be a better "fuck you" to my Mom that *won't* affect my health. Which is true.

Yes, I am caught there too. Other than the fact that I couldn't find my copies of Deb's books to have her sign them in Ohio, the fact that they are not unpacked hasn't really affected me. I am not currently eating junk food or spending money to get back at my mother, which is an improvement for me.

sj, we moved into this house and had FOUR boxed of unpacked books for FOUR years sitting in our computer room. Not everyone needs to have everything unpacked.

I'd just tell her, "when you hound me about it, I'm inclined to leave them there forever. It's not helping me to have you giving me grief about it." She doesn't have to live amongst the boxes of unpacked books. If it bothers her so much, maybe she should avoid looking at them when she comes over.

It seems to me that she's got the obsessive-control thing going on and an overpowering need to have things ordered and you fall back into a defensive position when she harps on things. Your mother may not be able to stop trying to get you to unpack the books (if it bothers her that much). But you can learn to control your response to it. Don't put the books away because she hounds you to do it. Do it in your own time at your own pace and don't worry about what she says when you finally do it. If she does respond smugly, you can always say, "it feels good to have done it when I wanted it done--not when you wanted it done."

Going to Home Depot makes me wish I owned a house, so I could buy tools and what-not, and fix things.

When my mom goes off me I just say "Ok, Lois," because she's so like that woman when she's upset.(We laugh about it. When she's not upset.) And she learned "You must chill. " from the hivemind. Sometimes the dog listens. Tep is Min from "Bet Me", pass it on.ETA: I once told somebody nagging me about clutter, that if she didn't cut it out, not only would I not pick it up, I would start buying other people's clutter, too. She backed off, but institutional living was SO not my scene.

Nora, you're about to buy a house. That means a close, personal relationship with Home Depot.

Heh. I know. As an apartment dweller, though, it just sort of freaks me out. I'm sure things will be very different on the other side!

My mother- when she gives advice or nags me (which has eased off in recent years, probably because she doesn't think I'm going to die alone drunk in debtor's prison anymore) I whine at her to stop. Not the best solution, but she does feel guilty when that happens. recently, I told her to "Shut Up." I said it in a funny way, I hope- it was when she was fretting that we paid too much for the house. I meant it though. shut up, mom.

I'd just tell her, "when you hound me about it, I'm inclined to leave them there forever. It's not helping me to have you giving me grief about it."

I have tried this approach. I have been told it is childish. I do get a great deal of pleasure out of the fact that it shocks her so much that I would invite friends over with all of those books in the living room.