Hi Perkins! I'd totally love to attend your going away party, but tonight would be tough because of the couple thousand mile thing.

Awww, thanks Laura.

I'm with you, Laura. When I left the nest, a call every two weeks was gravy. Once a week was almost too much. It's the same with my daughter. If I don't hear from her in a week or so, then I call. But 2-3 weeks between calls (when she's not living with me) is about average. I really don't want to know that much about her life. Then, I have to admit she's having teh sex and things like that.

My mom used to call me about once a week to catch up when I was in college. And to make sure I wasn't dead or needed money. Daily is excessive if you're kid's out of the 8th grade.

Stephanie, if he's that nervous, can you offer to hire a doula? A professional non-doctor type support person might do him a world of good.

Ooh, this is also a very good idea.

I'd just send her an email everyday. say you are doing fine. if you have more than that to say - then call. Honestly, you are 23- so my idea is to take the high road - it costs nothing to send a quick email. if she emails back- skim. you know your mom and family well enough to know what is important to pay attention to. Don't waste energy on trying to change mom, it isn't going to happen. But only a serene face from you will ever convince her you are happy as things are.

Stephanie, if he's that nervous, can you offer to hire a doula?

I do have a doula and she's great. I think she's the main reason I'm feeling (relatively) calm - too bad Joe can't benefit from her experience. I'm not sure Joe totally realizes that she will be there to help, however. Maybe I need to do more explaining. :)

As for the parents thing, my mom calls about once a week if I don't call her first. (Actually, these days she calls every day, but I don't mind because I'm pretty alone out here.) Joe's parents call, maybe, once a month and everyone is fine with that. Personally, I think expecting *you* to call every day, particularly when the parent is the one who wants to talk to you, is a bit controlling. If she really wants to hear your voice, or read your e-mail, every day, she should call you.

Personally, I think expecting *you* to call every day, particularly when the parent is the one who wants to talk to you, is a bit controlling.

My mom? Controlling? Never!

I guess I'll try the fake e-mails and see how that works.

I'd just send her an email everyday

You can have a collection of pictures at the ready to send too! That way she can see for herself that you are well. Humor her, but in a way that is least burdensome to you.

One of the reasons I still want her to come to the hospital (even if Joe is there) is that I think the two of them will really benefit from having each other there.

It was me and a doula with EM during Emmett's birth. It really helped me to have somebody there who had been through many births and could give me perspective on what was happening when, and could give good advice as we came up to all the many choices you have to make while giving birth.

Doula is also nice for the mom, because most of the medical staff are kind of focused on the baby's welfare, and the doula can focus on the Mom more.

FWIW, I didn't have any problems at all during the birth. Of course, people have all kinds of different tolerances for the mess of it, but it really wasn't that bad at all. I've heard a lot of Dad's have reservations about doing it, but I've never heard of one fainting or throwing up or anything. (Though undoubtedly there are examples out there.)

In college, I called every couple of weeks. When my dad had his second heart attack, I started calling every couple of days. Since my mom's cancer and chemo, I call 5 or 6 times a week. They aren't long calls or anything--more a "Hi, how ya doing?" kinda thing. On the other hand, I talk to my brothers maybe 6 times a year.