From my flist:

Reasons to Fear Canada.

BY SEAN CARMAN

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Ninety percent of population is massed within 100 miles of northern American border.

Seems not to mind that one of its provinces has turned almost entirely French.

Excessive politeness only makes sense as cover for something truly sinister. But what?

Citizens seem strangely impervious to cold.

Decriminalization of marijuana and acceptance of gay marriage without corresponding collapse of social institutions indicate Canada may, in fact, be indestructible.

Has infiltrated entertainment industry with singers, actors, and comedians practically indistinguishable from their American counterparts.

Consistently stays just below cultural radar yet never quite disappears.

Parliamentary government and common-law judiciary appear to function acceptably yet remain completely inscrutable.

Never had a "disco phase."

Seemingly endless supply of timber, donuts, and Scotch-plaid hats with earflaps.

Keeps insisting it "has no designs on America" and "only wants peace."

Plays a mean game of pond hockey

To me, Krystal=tiny hamburger. I keep picturing a tiny, cartoon hamburger whining about not getting the internship.

So why haven't you taken a pricey apartment and invited us all to come along with you?

I'm terribly thoughtless? Not sure how I'll balance 30 jobs in two states and two provinces, but at least the F2F opportunities will be considerable.

She's writing up her experience in getting rejected for the internship she really wanted for the paper that gave her an internship?

And ensuring, if her original application antics hadn't, that she'll never work for SPIN as long as she lives.

I'm in the mood to write to her, but I'd like to paste that up in my LJ for further mockery, first.

It just begs for the mocking, doesn't it?

She's writing up her experience in getting rejected for the internship she really wanted for the paper that gave her an internship? That's weird.

Yeah. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

I mean, there's a very good reason I whined about not finaling in the writers contest on Bitches rather than, say, a board where I knew all the judges for that contest were likely to hang out.

And ensuring, if her original application antics hadn't, that she'll never work for SPIN as long as she lives.

Well, why not? After all, her passion for SPIN is waning.

Krystal Grow? Maybe she should have applied for the internship at Penthouse.

And ensuring, if her original application antics hadn't, that she'll never work for SPIN as long as she lives.

Nor for anything else bigger than the North Adams Transcript, I'm guessing.

Oh god. She's one of the "I'm so smart everyone should love me and if they don't they are stupid and it is all their fault and I'm blameless." Scary.

Allyson, no need for a lecture. It happens. Just be glad you're not on a pretty full bus in a third world country and your backpack is in the luggage compartment. Not that that every happened.

Nor for anything else bigger than the North Adams Transcript, I'm guessing.

Exactly. Bad-mouthing someone in the industry publicly? Not a good idea all around.

Oh, pretty please?? I'll give you a tampon.

Ohmigod, this made me laugh.

I think our friend Krystal was raised with the notion that "everyone gets a trophy" even if they suck.

She's also a crappy writer.

Yes, write to her I shall. She needs to throw herself on the bed and cry one more time, just for me.