Rio, I've seen a few invitations that requested something like, "Best wishes in lieu of gifts," and others that were "In lieu of gifts, please donate to the following charities..." I wasn't offended by either suggestion, but I'm no Miss Manners. But I think no mention of gifts implies that gifts are welcome.

What happened to my friends is that even though they requested no gifts, the older generation of guests bought them gifts, and the younger generation didn't.

How about a list, like: "Instead of gifts: (a) go buy yourself something pretty; (b) go out to dinner 'on us'! (c) give money to the Innocence Project [address] or Prison Performing Arts [address]; or (d) do nothing."

Looking at a couple of etiquete sites, it looks like the proper thing to do is make no mention of gifts on the invite, then spread the word via friends and family that no gifts are required.

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ETA: This can be difficult if your family don't agree with your no gifts policy.

How about a list, like: "Instead of gifts: (a) go buy yourself something pretty; (b) go out to dinner 'on us'! (c) give money to the Innocence Project [address] or Prison Performing Arts [address]; or (d) do nothing."

I like that idea, Rio.

I like that, Rio.

I don't like the "spread the word via friends and family" thing for no gifts, because it's pretty inevitable that there'll be someone who doesn't find out.

I don't like the "spread the word via friends and family" thing for no gifts, because it's pretty inevitable that there'll be someone who doesn't find out.

I agree.

If I ever get married, it going to be all about the gifts!

I receive one with a "no gifts" request, and I thought it was just as spiffy as any other I'd gotten. It was years ago, and I can't remember how they did it, but I thought it was just fine.

Saget and I don't want wedding presents. We're not registering anywhere; we're not getting "favors" or whatever for our guests; we don't want people to feel obligated to buy us anything. Do we say "no gifts" on the invite in some funny/nice way, or do we wait for people to ask where we're registered? We're arguing about this right now. I say you don't tell people what they are and are not allowed to do; Saget says if he were invited to such a wedding he'd want to know that gifts were not expected.

I remember talking about this with you in Chicago. Still an issue, huh? I'll just reiterate then: it makes NOBODY HAPPY to say NO PRESENTS. Because then people are unsure how to fulfill their social obligations. It creates a weird etiquette zone. Honestly, it'll make the old people grumpy. However, I know Saget is very anti-receiving, so I would set up some little goat charity to Guatemala as an outlet.

An In Lieu of List sounds like a good plan. People will want to do something and with suggestions they can indicate what they have done in a card for you.

I'm a litttle crazed with lack of sleep. DH was miserable with pain yesterday and finally we went to see a doc this morning and he has a hernia. He has a fist full of drugs to get the inflamation down and ease his pain, but surgery will happen at some point.

Alfredo is now, officially (letter from the State Department/Department of Homeland Security) a Resident. He's waffling on the whole citizenship thingy, as he already has two (Venezuela and Spain), but the idea of collectible trading-card citizenships is also appealing.

But yay! 3+ years later, the process is complete. NOW we can start traveling.