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I am not...I am not the damsel in distress. I am not some case. I have to work this. I've lived in a cave for 5 years in a world where they killed my kind like cattle. I am not going to be cut down by some monster flu. I am better than that. What a wonder...how very scared I am.

Fred ,'A Hole in the World'

Natter 34: Freak With No Name  

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Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.

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DavidS - Apr 13, 2005 12:30:01 pm PDT #5474 of 10001
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."

Some recent updates at the 5ives website.

Five terrible fake novelty drink names at that one bar near campus
 Weepin’ Tyler’s Tangy Grandma Rememberer
The Great American Face Slap Factory
The Homoerotic Context Erasinator (with salty rim)
Cap’n Morgan’s Highe Seas Roofie Hyderr
Daddy’s Dreams Desolvin’ Appletini

Five things for which I sheepishly confess my dopey affection
 Songs about “Rock ‘n’ Roll”
Shriners in those stupid little cars
genuinely amazed infants
the scene in Casablanca where Lazlo makes everyone stand and sing “La Marseillaise”
The Bill of Rights

Five terrible fake congressional honorifics
 The distinguished cocksmoker from that hellhole, Mississippi
The obsequious bootlicker from Virginia
The exalted pederast from Kentucky
The noisome harpy from California
The fat-assed blowhard from that one flyover state

Five people with whom to never start a conversation on MUNI
 Needy-looking guy in kilt
Fat man with enormous parrot on his shoulder
Chinese lady quietly trimming her toenails
Stinky guy talking animatedly to fat guy’s parrot
Smirky guy taking numerous phonecam pictures of stinky guy, fat guy, and parrot

Five terrible fake albums by a girly-voiced singer/songwriter
 Stop Touching My Cat
These Braids Have Cried
Vegan Glances
Birkenstock Exchange
Am I Not Your Flower?

Five terrible fake names for a scratch-off lottery ticket series
 Itchy Hope Circles
Dollar Dousers
Power Poverty ‘05!
Check Chaserz
Salary Squeezin’

Five congressional terms that sound kind of dirty
 Minority Whip
discretionary appropriations
filibustering
discharge petition
franking privileges

Five total scams in high school
 class rings
cap and gown fees
Who’s Who Among American High School Students
prom
assemblies featuring christian rock bands

Connie Neil - Apr 13, 2005 12:45:41 pm PDT #5475 of 10001
brillig

assemblies featuring christian rock bands

OMG, other people had these?

JZ - Apr 13, 2005 12:48:53 pm PDT #5476 of 10001
See? I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me what a bad person I am and nobody did, because I fuckin' rule.

Five things for which I sheepishly confess my dopey affection

Were it not for the word "sheepishly" I could swear these were your very own five.

Am I Not Your Flower?

Are we absolutely sure this isn't a terrible real album?

DavidS - Apr 13, 2005 12:50:43 pm PDT #5477 of 10001
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."

Vegan Glances and Itchy Hope Circles made me snerk. Also the salty rim and Franking privileges.

DavidS - Apr 13, 2005 12:51:55 pm PDT #5478 of 10001
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."

Were it not for the word "sheepishly" I could swear these were your very own five.

I'm rarely sheepish.

Sean K - Apr 13, 2005 12:59:24 pm PDT #5479 of 10001
You can't leave me to my own devices; my devices are Nap and Eat. -Zenkitty

OMG, other people had these?

We had Stryper come play at an assembly.

DawnK - Apr 13, 2005 1:00:14 pm PDT #5480 of 10001
giraffe mode

My husband just sent me this link [link] just in case I was looking for a Father's Day gift for him.

Matt the Bruins fan - Apr 13, 2005 1:03:43 pm PDT #5481 of 10001
"I remember when they eventually introduced that drug kingpin who murdered people and smuggled drugs inside snakes and I was like 'Finally. A normal person.'” —RahvinDragand

Nutty, how'd the yelly meeting go?

JZ - Apr 13, 2005 1:06:00 pm PDT #5482 of 10001
See? I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me what a bad person I am and nobody did, because I fuckin' rule.

Dawn, your husband has some damn good taste. I mean, he married you and spawned with you and is now supporting his family on a houseboat, so it's not exactly a surprise, but the watch lust just seals the deal. That's just the most absurdly fancy-ass gorgeous watch EVAH.

Lee - Apr 13, 2005 1:09:10 pm PDT #5483 of 10001
The feeling you get when your brain finally lets your heart get in its pants.

f Perkins is around: Last Friday turned out to be even cooler than I realized on the day, since my Pepsi turned out to be a winner. Yay free music! And thanks again. Also, P.S., I'm wearing my fun new belt, and fun new eyeshadow. Fun new stuff is the funnest.

Yay! Do you still like the green?

Aw, Juliana. You can have my skull when I'm done with it.

I want someone's skull too. Who is still available?

Has anyone ever had tequila with a cube of sugar?

No. Have you? How is it?

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