ATTENTION ALL EMPLOYEES. THERE IS A HUNGRY MAN-EATING BEAST BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR VOLVO. GOOD LUCK.
This place would be so much better if they let me do the announcements. First of all, when they have to read something, it reminds me of third grade when the teacher would call on the kid who couldn't really read at all and he'd stutter and try to pronounce shit out of grasp, and everyone would feel really uncomfortable.
Second of all, I'm funny.
I'm picturing the interns running interference for the CEO as he makes a mad dash for his Lexus SUV.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!
I just passed in my last assignment of my Master's degree.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
(Passes out from lack of oxygen.)
Breathe, Sue, or you won't be able to see all of us congratulating you.
Sue, when you flail around like that, the mountain lions can see you.
Is there a squash court near you, Allyson?
Hm. I don't think so. But there's a mission control center near me! Also, Lori parks her car in the East Lot.
RUN LORI! RUN!
Allyson, now is when having a big ball of yarn in your desk could come in handy.
Sue, congratulations! That's wonderful news.
Allyson and Lori, please to not be eaten by the big kitty.