(I'm on a
Creator
kick right now, I know, but I just adore this exchange):
Boris:
Harry, how did you know you were in love? I mean with you and Lucy. How'd you know it wasn't just infatuation?
Dr Harry Wolper:
Scientifically, of COURSE. By using The Love Formula.
Boris:
The what?
Dr Harry Wolper:
Love Formula. Add up the number of times that you think about the lady each day. Subtract from the total the number of times you think about yourself each day. If the remainder is more lady, and less yourself, then it's love.
Boris:
Oh, I've been thinking about Barbara a lot lately.
Dr Harry Wolper:
What's so very neat about this particular formula, is that "a lot" plugs into it beautifully.
Oh, honey, I'm so happy for you! You finally got laid properly!
D'oh! Frank nabbed my One True Bogie&Bacall quote.
Row! You incomprehensible, horizontal-eyed, Western trouser-wearers! Eurgh! You all look the same to me! How I despise your lack of subtlety and your joined-up writing! You, who have never committed ritual suicide in your lives!
Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.
You know, if you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.
What would you little maniacs like to do first?
I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons.
Oh, what wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face? You must think the sun shines out of your arse, sonny. You must think you're lord god almighty.
I don't fucking roll on Shabbos!
Well I'm gonna to go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this
[picks up an ashtray]
and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.
