One can make a distinction of against Buffy, though.
Raising Buffy from the dead, even with the best of (conscious) intentions, messed Buffy up pretty seriously. The memory wipe of TR was also aimed at Buffy -- again, with supposedly good intentions (though here I'd say Willow was thinking at least in part of easing Willow's conscience) -- though with unpleasant results.
One can make a distinction of against Buffy, though. Xander did something to Buffy. Willow? Batshit trying to kill everyone. Sure, she tried to lay the smackdown on Buff, but it wasn't as simply personal as what Xander did.
Oh, I don't know. She went after Dawn, specifically. Also? She assumed Buffy would be in Hell, and ripped her out of heaven. Granted, everyone who knew played along with that one, but Willow wasn't hearing any of the suggestions that they not, and largely, her hand-wave-iness was out of vanity. She was afraid and wanted Buffy back, but she also really wanted to have dead-raising on her CV.
I love the smell of Xpost in the morning.
I secretly hoped he would guest star in one of the last Angel episodes and Illyria would fall for him.
Heh, that old demon magnet. Yeah, that would have been fun.
Huh. Reading this discussion just made me realize that at some point I started getting the idea that there was no more friendship or importance or anything between Xander and Buffy, that Xander was sort of this guy who just hung around and Buffy didn't really notice because he'd always been there. I can't say when I started getting that feeling exactly, but I'm sure it was about the time he started being a butt-monkey again.
(goes back to lurking in this thread)
I think that raising Buffy was misplaced magnanimity. Although she desperately wanted her back, I think she honestly believed Buffy wanted to come back too.
Xander may have thought he was doing the right thing, but he knew he wasn't working with Buffy's wishes. So I distinguish between the two actions and their motivations.
He never owned up.
Well, that might be because the show never asked him to. He's been taken down a peg or two, on other mistakes he's made; that one just never got talked about. Situation-not-dealt-with doesn't mean he didn't feel kind of shitty about it, at the time or later; we just don't know.
Then again, do you know how easy it is to go through your whole life deflecting responsibility for little things? Even if he knew and had thought out, "I will lie to Buffy now because I hate her boyfriend," he could easily have turned it, in retrospect, into "I lied because it was necessary," and conveniently ellipsized out the hating-Angel aspect. People do it all the time, and for the rest of their lives cling to mistaken memories/motivations, because it's easier to live with yourself if you never feel sorry.
Which is not to say I think Xander is like this; he does pause and think over his own behavior, and apologize, on occasion. But, even if he had magically rethought his own motivations, it's judging him pretty harshly to say he is a lesser human than the vast population of normal human beings.
But, ultimately, we just don't know. The puzzle pieces never got put together, although they were there for everyone to find. But isn't that the way, with people, when details don't get followed-up on, and you just sort of swallow your fuzzy doubts and move on, because you can't handle analyzing the niceties? Friendships survive that all the time.
And yet, early in S7, there was almost a family vibe going on among Buffy, Xander, and Dawn. It seemed Xander started to step in as a father-figure for Dawn. Although after the first few eps, that (and so much of the other back-to-the-beginning motif) got swept away for the all-Potentials-all-the-time storyline.
Except for Xander's "we're special because we aren't special" speech. which was sappy telling-not-showing, but dammit, he sold it.
I don't see Xander's Lie as being nearly as bad or unambiguous. It was a grey area act of omission.
this was not an act of omission, it was a deliberate lie. If he had said nothing, that would have been an omission (see, how that definition works there?). He did not choose not to tell her, he deliberately attributed a sentiment that was in direct opposition to what he knew Willow would have said in this situation.
I agree with Raquel on Background!Xander. It wasn't until his unfortunate eye injury (which still strikes me as very OMGWTF!, even now) that he was even getting much plot attention (IIRC). Then as we were rushing toward the end, he started to be involved in a real way again.
It wasn't until his unfortunate eye injury (which still strikes me as very OMGWTF!, even now) that he was even getting much plot attention (IIRC).
This is very evident in Conversations with Dead People - he wasn't in the episode because he'd never really lost anyone very dear to him.