I don't hear screaming in my head but I do get a sense of flailing arms.

Yeah, that's how I read it as well.

Mark is too excited by life to live. Oh, I mean, LIVE! OMG, how can I stand it?!

Ack! Capitals and boldface!

I changed it to Sentence case:

****

In the sixth episode of the third season of buffy the vampire slayer, multiple antagonists from the past team up to let loose a curse on sunnydale, and i will never be the same again. Intrigued? Then it’s time for mark to watch buffy. Help me. Help me. What did i just watch? What just happened? Oh my god this is even worse than “bewitched, bothered, and bewildered” in terms of awkwardness and horror and please help me what the fuck is going on.

• Sweet hell, the mayor made a pact with a demon. It all makes so much sense. Holy shit, what the fuck?!?!?

• Okay, has the word “tribute” been totally taken over by the hunger games for anyone else? I kept seeing katniss the entire time anyone said “tribute.”

• Holy fuck, why is angel doing tai ch’i the funniest thing on the planet?

• Oh my god, i legitimately feel bad for angel.

• Wow, angel sweats a lot.

• Wow, why am i taking time out of my day to talk about this?

• Oh no. Oh my god. Buffy’s alibis have all discovered they are alibis. This is a disaster.

• Also, i can relate to buffy a lot here because my mother used to refuse to trust me to do anything outside of her permission if it wasn’t school. Once, she came onto campus and yelled at me in front of the whole cross country team because i was twelve minutes late coming home. Okay, so maybe my mom wasn’t joyce summers, but i understand the feeling of your parents refusing to trusth you.

• Xander and willow, stop playing footsie under the table.

• Wait what the fuck is ms. Barton doing.

• What the fuck is happening.

• What the fuck are giles and joyce doing?

• Why are they being so nice?

• What the fuck?!!?! Why is giles smoking and why is joyce drinking kahlua? What the fuck is happening? What are my emotions doing?

• Why is giles calling himself ripper? Why did his accent change? Help me. I can’t. I can’t deal with any of this. My brain is falling apart. Help me.

• The bronze is forever scarred by the memory of what i have just seen.

• Principal snyder, you have instantly become the best character in all of fiction. Help me. I am laughing and shrieking at the screen at the same time.

• Willow’s doctor just tried to stage dive. I am laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my face.

• Oh my god, principal snyder wants to be best friends with willow, oz, and buffy. I just fell out of my chair.

• Buffy watch out for that ca – oh. Why did none of you get hurt? That crash looked brutal.

• Principal snyder, i swear. I will never look at you the same again.

• Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Ethan rayne again??? How is he not dead yet?

• The entire scene of joyce and giles outside that clothing shop will forever be etched into my memory as both the funniest and most terrifying thing that has ever happened on buffy. It is the most brilliant skewering of punk rock attitude i have witnessed in my life. Oh my god, they are making out on the cop car of the officer that giles just punched out. I can’t handle life. I can’t. This is it. This is the end.

• Why do i kind of like giles/joyce. What has happened to me.

• Buffy found her mother making out with giles in the middle of the street. Life will never be the same.

• Mr. Trick, don’t you think it’s rather complicated to introduce a curse to the adults of sunnydale through chocolate just so you can kidnap some newborns for lurconis? Like couldn’t you have just had some vampires take them? I suppose i shouldn’t complain or think too hard about this because then this episode kind of unravels completely.

• Also, the way willow delivers the line about lurconis eating babies made me laugh until i couldn’t breathe.

• Also, the lurconis has the distinction of being the one creature on buffy with the worst cgi to date. It looks awful.

• Principal snyder, the adults vandalized the school. How dare you make the scoobies clean up after them. How irresponsible.

• Um. Um. Did i read that final scene right? Did something happen between joyce and giles? What (continued...)

( continues...) is air? What is life. What is going on with this show. What did i just witness

Help me.

Death count: 4. The four vampires. I think? Now i’m not sure. Did buffy only kill two of them? I can’t remember. Total: 18

His death count is still off--he forgot the vamp in the teaser.

ALL THAT was in ASSCAPS? [Sorry.] The mind boggles.

Even without asscaps, damn.

I'm starting to get jaded about Mark's reactions. I've been reading him since The Hunger Games, and it's hard to believe that he can be that extremely excited about absolutely everything. I mean everything is THE BEST THING EVER OF ALL TIME!

Then again, I was pretty flaily when I rewatched Band Candy last night. Such a fun episode!

I'm okay with maybe one-asscaping recap every season or so. But Buffy brings jaw-dropping developments with such frequency that he's going to have to just post a .GIF of his O-FACE!!! frozen into a grim rictus of unpreparedness.

He hasn't even gotten to The Wish, or Doppelgangland or The Zeppo.