I might not ever be able to watch The Body again.

I hope too but it was brutal at the time. After my Mom didn't show up to walk dogs and I drove to her place to find her, it's more than I am prepared to do and that was 14 months ago.

I've even just moved into her house but I cannot imagine watching that ep. It was so well done.

I know I actually will one day but not today.

I think I've only watched it all the way through the one time.

I watched it when it first aired and that'll be all for me.

I think I watched it a second time when I was doing a full series rewatch. I was braced for it, at least, so it didn't hit me quite as hard. Not time for a third watch yet, although I suppose it might happen at some point.

I'm pretty sure I've rewatched a few times here and there, but before I lost my mom. Won't be watching again anytime soon.

Cass, I didn't know about your mother's death. I'm so sorry.

"The Body" aired just about two years before my father died. He might have even been in the hospital (for one of his illnesses, but not the fast cancer that took him) when it debuted. I've only rewatched it when we've rewatched the entire series, most recently with my youngest son.

It's usually had a big DO NOT ENTER sign on it, it in my mind. Besides, if we're in the mood to watch a random episode of Buffy, we want something fun, or emotionally satisfying, with that zippy dialogue, not just something real-world-sad.

Soon after my Dad's death, I revisited "Forever" a few times, though. I found it somewhat cathartic.

Cass, I didn't know about your mother's death. I'm so sorry.

Thank you, Cindy. It really was incredibly unexpected and sudden but peaceful. She was in bed and either had a heart attack or stroke.

Her three closest brothers all made it here within three hours, including the one who lives in Oregon but was in Ojai, CA for an annual retreat.

For a horribly life-altering thing for me, it was as good as possible. I'm just angry she couldn't wait some more years. But for her, peaceful and the people she'd have wanted here were all able to be here. I'll take that over more time with any pain or suffering.

But I can't watch The Body. I did listen to a commentary with Kristine Sutherland that was interesting.

I was one of the 17% who got the correct answer on the "Free the Ocean" website this morning. The answer:

Yes! Bathymetry is the study of depth and features below the surface of water (ocean, seas, rivers, lakes)… also generally known as "submarine topography". (Remember this one to impress your friends or family at the dinner table)!

The reason I guessed correctly?

"THis bathysphere is perplexing..."

I don't know who needs to hear this but AtS S4 does not hold up. I was one of that season's most ardent defenders at the time, but I'm ready to admit I was very young and stupid and this is not good television.

(Still love Connor who is forever my woobie.)

(But holy fuck the Cordy/Connor seduction scene is creepy and bad and wrong and made infinitely worse by the random but frequent stating of Connor's age as definitely 18 and not "we have no idea because he grew up overnight in a hell dimension.")

(I was pissed off even when this first aired at how badly Cordy was written all season but it's so much worse than I even remember.)

I don't think I could watch that season of Cordelia again. The memory is painful.