Your "than" should be "then."
If you're worried about clarity, you could change the serial commas to semicolons. Might help.
Can't drink, smoke, diddle my willy. Doesn't leave much to do other than watch you blokes stumble around playing Agatha Christie.
Spike ,'The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco'
The Great Write Way, Chapter Two: Twice upon a time...
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Dana - Jul 06, 2006 11:21:39 am PDT #7734 of 10001
I'm terrifically busy with my ennui.
Topic!Cindy - Jul 06, 2006 11:23:09 am PDT #7735 of 10001
What is even happening?
Goths don’t all think they’re vampires, they’re not all depressed and suicidal, and if Goths are in a cult, than so is every single fan of an organized sport.
You mean "then" instead of "than". I might either end the first sentence after vampires, or put a semi-colon in place of the comma after vampires, but punctuation is not my gift. As a statement/explanation, I like it just fine.
xposty goodness.
Atropa - Jul 06, 2006 11:39:06 am PDT #7736 of 10001
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
Splendid. Thank you!
deborah grabien - Jul 06, 2006 11:47:37 am PDT #7737 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
Yep. And in point of fact, I'd suggest changing that last bit to lose then "then" entirely. Something like:
Goths don’t all think they’re vampires, they’re not all depressed and suicidal, and if Goths are in a cult? So is every single fan of an organized sport.
ION, I just got off the three-way conference with Daymond and Kate. And I believe it's safe, at this point, to say
Let. the. games. muthafuckin'. BEGIN!
Atropa - Jul 06, 2006 11:49:37 am PDT #7738 of 10001
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
Deb, that's wonderful news!
Ginger - Jul 06, 2006 11:51:31 am PDT #7739 of 10001
"It didn't taste good. It tasted soooo horrible. It tasted like....a vodka martini." - Matilda
Semicolon after vampires and suicidal, since each of those phrases could be sentence on its own.
I have never seen any writing from Allyson or Jilli that was less than wonderful. You've done a huge amount of research on your book, Typo Boy, and I'm sure everything's fine. It's great you're getting so much interest so soon.
I, however, suck.
Beverly - Jul 06, 2006 11:55:17 am PDT #7740 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Do not.
Also, Woo! to Deb. Courage to Jilli. Fortitude to Gar. The Wizard can give me the brain.
Topic!Cindy - Jul 06, 2006 11:56:26 am PDT #7741 of 10001
What is even happening?
I, however, suck.
Only when you post things like the above quoted thing.
Ginger - Jul 06, 2006 11:57:48 am PDT #7742 of 10001
"It didn't taste good. It tasted soooo horrible. It tasted like....a vodka martini." - Matilda
Can I have the brain? Pretty please.
Pix - Jul 06, 2006 11:58:33 am PDT #7743 of 10001
We're all getting played with, babe. -Weird Barbie
But I want the brain!
Can we share, Ginger?